Stream ‘Em If You Got ‘Em: Your Guide To Netflix And Streaming, May 29, 2014

It’s the end of the month, which means the streaming offerings are lacking like John Lackey (2011 version). But we’ve got to get through this or Mr. Vince won’t pay our bus fare home to see his female relatives (yes, the aunties too).

Note: For what it’s worth, all of these titles are available now.

Netflix Streaming Title of the Week
Escape from Tomorrow

The most interesting thing about this project is how Disney handled it. The folks behind the movie clearly wanted to be sued, to the point where they have a clock on their site that counts up the amount of time they haven’t been sued (32 weeks). Then followed up with a poster featuring Mickey Hands covered in blood. At this point their next move is Minnie Mouse performing a bottomless lap dance on Goofy for the box art. Sorry fellas, I don’t think it’s going to happen for you; the lawyers are going to pocket that retainer.

Now, if you tried this sort of thing with The Academy they’d raid your house with jackbooted thugs. But Disney played it smart, figuring no one would see the film, and those who did wouldn’t come away all that impressed. They were right on both counts. They’ll teach this PR aikido one day in a class. Good job ABC/Disney/Marvel/ESPN/Pixar/StarWars!
Streamability: I mean, it’s not like you have a lot of options. But still probably not, no.

Netflix Streaming Documentary You’ll Put in Your Queue for “Later”
Vanishing of the Bees
I do worry about where the bees have gone, and not just because Ellen Page tells me I should. Even without all the “pollination” angles, I grew up with Cheerios and I also have a vendetta against hornets and yellow jackets (if there’s a difference). Bees disappearing feels important, viscerally, but there’s not much that a Netflix columnist can do to move the dial on the issue. I end up just sort of grimacing with a weird nod whenever someone walks in the room where I’m typing, hoping they ask me what’s wrong. Then we’ll go over this whole “bee” issue together, ideally hashing out a solution by dawn.
Streamability: Too depressing for me. But I’m also not a very good person, so there’s that. I made it eight seconds before clicking off the clip below. Beat my personal best!

Amazon Prime to the Rescue!
The Wire
Amazon Prime just signed a deal with HBO to deliver content. So if you don’t get HBOGO, and happen to have a Prime account, this is a nice little bonus. Plus, if you start now, you can get through the sixty or so hours it would take you to complete the “The Wire” by this weekend. Five seasons, each with its own theme, which I will detail in order to sell you on the idea:

Season One: The streets, the drug trade, the po-po
Season Two: The docks
Season Three: Politics
Season Four: The education system
Season Five: The media, newspapers

The above looks fairly dry, but it’s a comprehensive dramatic look at the myriad disasters that haunt inner cities such as Baltimore (which I will forever more know as “Body More”). You’ve likely hear how good “The Wire” is from everyone you know, but take some free advice from someone you don’t know too – I think you’ll dig this. I wish I could watch it all over again with your fresh eyes, and not in a Minority Report way either. I’m no eyeball stealer.
Streamability: Yes! Finally a title we can rally behind.

Amazon Prime to the Rescue! (Part Two)
Band of Brothers
The best television show about war that doesn’t have dragons EVER. Tom Hanks and Stevey Spielberg co-produced this, with love, it features a Wahlberg, a David Schwimmer cameo, and just about everything else you could ever want from a mini-series. The embedded scene below is positively transfixing, but if you haven’t seen the show yet I’d hold off because it’s better within the flow of the show. Really well done, and I’d argue this kicked off HBO’s current march to dominance.
Streamability: Absolutely.

Finally, available for cold hard currency …

The Bad, The Bad, and the Ugly
Endless Love
I enjoyed the novel, and the Lionel Richie/Diana Ross song is dope, but this modern adaptation just didn’t come off. The kid from Magic Mike, Alex Pettyfer is in it, and he again plays a dopey and completely self-unaware pretty boy. Still, that’s not really the main issue, because the dad character (played by Bruce Greenwood) is a legit mess.
Streamability: Tempting. ($4.99, GooglePlay)

Laremy likes to party and travel.