New FilmDrunk Supercut: Cinema’s Abused Dwarfs

I had no influence over Oliver’s latest mashup, but when Oliver sets his mind to something, I can do little to stop him.  His latest is a supercut dedicated to shedding light on a rarely-mentioned problem: dwarf abuse in cinema, which, even more tragically, is so often played for laughs.  It’s a subject near and dear to Oliver’s heart, literally, as he was born with a rare condition known as “dwarf heart,” and would surely have died if not for a 26-hour operation at the tiny hands of famed dwarf surgeon C. Reginald Appleton, M.D.d.. But back to the video.  Just when you’re like, “Hey! But what about Leprechaun in the Hood?”  BOOM!  There’s Leprechaun in the Hood!  (No, not that leprechaun in the hood, you know what I meant).

Additional notes:

  • Yes, one of those dwarfs was played by Gary Oldman.
  • No, it did not include any of Werner Herzog’s laughing dwarfs from that one movie, but it certainly deserves your attention.
  • I would’ve spelled it “dwarves,” but Oliver chose the other spelling, and now I’m stuck with it.

BELOW: A semi-thorough list of the most famous dwarf actors currently working.

Jason “Wee Man” Acuña

Possibly the most famous dwarf stuntman of all time, Wee Man skates better than you, and probably gets laid roughly five times as much.  And by “roughly”, I don’t mean “approximately,” if you catch my drift.

Peter Dinklage

A good actor and oddly handsome for a dwarf, Dinklage shot to fame after a star turn in 2003’s The Station Agent.  Additionally, “Peter Dinklage” would be the world’s worst porn name.

Gurdeep Roy (aka Deep Roy, Roy Deep…)

Though you probably know him as the dwarf from Eastbound and Down, Gurdeep Roy has been in about a million movies, going back to the mid-70s, and some say he even banged your mom.

Additional Trivia: He’s Indian.

Tom Cruise

Probably the biggest box-office star on the list, dwarf actor Tom Cruise is perhaps most famous for jumping up on Oprah’s couch, which he did in order to reach the enchanted apples that grow in her studio.  Eating the apples was said to be a cure for dwarfism, but it turned out to be a cruel prank.  Cruise’s biggest role came in 1996’s Mission Impossible, in which he played midget superspy Ethan Hunt.

Danny Woodburn

Danny Woodburn is best known for his recurring role on Seinfeld, and for having a sightly better porn name than Peter Dinklage.

Kenny Baker

Kenny Baker is a 3 foot 8 British dwarf best known for being the man inside R2D2, because apparently, having a tin can on wheels roll on its own was too steep a task back in the 70s.

Tony Cox

Tony Cox is the go-to guy when a role requires a dwarf of color.  Star of such films as Bad Santa and Me, Myself, and Irene, with his silky satin voice and distinguishing freckles, many say Cox is the dwarf Morgan Freeman.  He also has a much better porn name than Peter Dinklage or Danny Woodburn.

Jordan Prentice

Jordan Prentice is the dwarf actor who got karate chopped in the neck by Colin Farrell in In Bruges who most people think was Peter Dinklage.

Warwick Davis

And of course, no list of working dwarf actors would be complete without the alpha dwarf, Warwick Davis.  The star of Willow who more recently played himself on Ricky Gervais’ show, Extras, “Warwick Davis” just sounds like it would be a dwarf’s name.

This was an important list.