Senior Editor
01.03.08 20 Comments

Not surprisingly, someone wants to make a movie about Knüt the Polar Bear. And honestly people, am I the only one who’s not too lazy to make a goddamned ümlaut? We all know he’s not named Nutt, or Ca-Nutt. 

According to German newspaper B.Z., producer Ash R. Shah and his firm, The Animation Picture Company, which brought us the movie version of Garfield, offered the Zoo Berlin $5 million for the rights to Knut’s [sic] story.
"With his friendly character, he’s serves as an ambassador for the Earth’s problems – climate change and the melting polar ice caps. A movie about Knut [sic] would affect people all over the world," Shah told the paper.
…Shah added of his plans, "I see the heartwarming relationship between Knut and his caretaker, Thomas Doerflein at the center of the movie … Suri [Cruise] could speak the English voice of Knut [sic]." [People]

Yeah, that’ll happen.  Hey, remember when Hollywood adapted that book about talking polar bears written by an Atheist but took out all the Atheist parts and the churchy types boycotted it anyway?  I’m sure they’ll be super stoked about a climate change parable starring Scientology’s poster baby.

Maybe if they change the phenomenon "global warming" to "fags and Mexicans make Jesus hot under the collar".  So as not to offend anyone, of course. 

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