Hypothesis: All of Stallone's movies are the Expendables now

08.21.12 6 years ago 38 Comments

After the jump, we have the new trailer for WB’s Bullet to the Head, which, as you might have guessed by the title, isn’t about a dyslexic holocaust orphan who learns that life is beautiful when she discovers the cello. Instead it’s a Sylvester Stallone vehicle, and part of a growing pile of evidence that after the Expendables, all of Sly’s movies have basically become The Expendables – winking throwbacks to cheesy eighties action films. One last job, a fractured bromance, silly names – you know the drill.

Bullet to the Head: Sly plays an aging hitman who postpones retirement for ONE LAST JOB, because when they MURDER HIS PARTER and KIDNAP HIS DAUGHTER, this time it’s personal. Co-stars include: Jason Momoa, aka the new Conan, Christian Slater. Trailer soundtrack: “Hot Blooded,” by Foreigner. Sly’s character’s name: “Jimmy Bobo.”

My favorite part was Sly’s floppy-haired, chubby-cheeked, peach fuzz cherub of a partner. Gee, I wonder what will happen to this guy.

Then there’s The Tomb. Here’s the logline for that one:

Ray Breslin is the world’s foremost authority on structural security. After analyzing every high security prison and learning a vast array of survival skills so he can design escape-proof prisons, his skills are put to the test. He’s framed and incarcerated in a master prison he designed himself. He needs to escape and find the person who put him behind bars.

His co-star for that, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Just a couple a buff dudes in prison! But this time! It’s personal!

His other in-development credits, according to IMDB? Grudge Match, Death Wish, Homefront, No Rest for the Wicked, Rambo: Last Stand, and naturally, The Expendables 3.

Conclusion? Every Stallone movie is The Expendables now.


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