FLOP ALERT: ‘Take Me Home Tonight’ doesn’t make any Eddie Money

See what I did with that headline there?  Pretty clever, right?

Over the weekend, Hollywood once again learned the hard way that no one wants to remember the 80s, as Take Me Home Tonight, which looked like a more pandering version of Adventureland for dumb people, actually earned less than Adventureland.  Wow, I did not see that coming.  Earning $3.5 million at 2,000 locations, it didn’t even crack the top 10.   If there’s a lesson to be learned here, it’s that maybe don’t name your movie after a song that was in a Carl’s Jr. commercial 15 years ago. It just sounds like a bad roast joke.  “I don’t want to say your movie was generic, but it’s named after a song from a Carl’s Jr. commercial from 15 years ago.”

Elsewhere, the Johnny Depp-voiced Rango took home the top spot with a respectable $38 million.  I saw it.   It looked great but was a chore to sit through, the same reason I eventually stopped dating high school chicks.  Overall business was down 32 percent from the same weekend last year, which is to be expected given Alice Wonderland opened last year, but worrisome considering February movie attendance hit a 15-year low.  I hate to point fingers, but this probably had something to do with Cedar Rapids being the only February release that was worth a hobo’s dick cheese.  Why the f*ck is that only playing on 235 screens again?  Is it so more people can see Just Go With It and Gnomeo and Juliet?  Or Big Momma’s House 3, perhaps?  I never thought I’d say this, but we seem to have reached a point where people are actually less stupid than Hollywood thinks they are.

Film Weekend Per Total
1 Rango $38,000,000 $9,701 $38,000,000
2 The Adjustment Bureau $20,945,000 $7,375 $20,945,000
3 Beastly $10,115,000 $5,182 $10,115,000
4 Hall Pass $9,015,000 (-33.4%) $3,056 $27,001,000
5 Gnomeo and Juliet $6,912,000 (-48.4%) $2,316 $83,694,000
6 Unknown $6,620,000 (-47.3%) $2,273 $53,129,000
7 The King’s Speech $6,501,000 (-11.4%) $2,902 $123,817,000
8 Just Go With It $6,500,000 (-38.3%) $2,226 $88,200,000
9 I Am Number Four $5,702,000 (-48.2%) $1,964 $46,440,000
10 Justin Bieber: Never Say Never $4,325,000 (-53.9%) $1,919 $68,876,000

[via CHUD, BoxOfficeMojo]