Taken 3’s New Title Is 2 Hot 2 Handle!

You’d think there’d be a finite number of times an ex secret agent’s family members could be kidnapped, but so far, the Taken franchise shows no signs of running up against that limit. After 2008’s Taken ($226.8 million worldwide) and 2012’s Taken 2 ($376 million worldwide), there’s a third installment scheduled for January 2015. After missing a prime opportunity to call the second “Taken Too!,” the producers aren’t taking any chances with the third, giving it a title that would make one of Slipknot’s drummers cream his Jncos.

Are yoooooooooooouuuu reaaaaddddyyyyy?????




That’s right, the latest installment of the Liam Neesons classic will officially use a number for a vowel.

This time, he’s the hunted prey after he’s framed for the murder of someone close to him.

“I have to go on the run, I’ll put it that way, from the not-so-lawful types and the lawful authorities,” says Neeson, choosing his words carefully. “Bryan Mills served his country faithfully, but now even they are after him. They must not like me.” [USAToday]

Neeson says this is likely the last film of the franchise for him, but I don’t believe that for a second. In fact, we’ve got some title ideas for the next few:

T4ken 4: T4ke My Wife – Please!

Taken 5: A 5pecial 5et of 5kill5 (alternately, Take5: Gimme Back My Candy Bar)

Taken 6: Don’t Worry, 6e Taken

7aken 7: 7ouch My 7rophy Wife And I’ll 7ear You A New One

T8ken 8: Release The Kr8ken

See? More than enough material for lots of sequels, and that’s without even getting into the secret of Maggie Grace’s Fred Flintstone running.

I don’t want to sound harsh, but anyone who gets a horse for their birthday, part of me is silently rooting for them to get abducted by sex traffickers.