Taylor Lautner says werewolf-on-infant love is a “touchy subject”

In a recent interview with Hitfix, Taylor Lautner called the werewolf-on-infant love affair in Twilight Breaking Dawn a “touchy subject,” and if I could rig this headline to make a slide-whistle sound when you clicked it, I totally would. You may recall that the plot of Breaking Dawn involves Jacob the Shirtless Werewolf (wolves have higher body temperatures, you see) falling in love with Bella and Edward’s telepathic, half-vampire fetus, Renesmee, a process called “imprinting.” A dirty ethnic wolf that wants nothing more than to bang your sparkling white baby before it’s even born might be considered problematic by some, but who better to ask for clarification than Taylor Lautner, a guy with all the charisma of an old shoe? Tell us, how did you deal with this idiotic premise, shoe?

“I was nervous about that one, because imprinting is a very complicated and touchy thing. Ummm, so. It helped, because we had Stephenie Meyer, who created this whole imprinting thing on set with us the whole time. Trust me, I picked her brain quiiite a bit about it, and that made me feel a lot more comfortable.”

If Taylor Lautner is ever comfortable I’d hate to see what uncomfortable looks like. This guy acts like a robot that’s been raised by gay publicists.

“Stephenie told me, stop trying to complicate it, to just keep it simple, to think of it as a lifelong bond between two human beings, and to not think about where it’s going and what’s going to happen, because right now, at this stage, he’s really more of a protector, he protects Renesmee.”

I’ve never seen a Twilight movie in theaters before, but I’m thinking of busting my cherry on this one. It looks potentially like the funniest movie of the year. I mean just look at this:


Pretty much every frame I’ve seen so far has been unintentional humor of the highest level. I imagine the rest of the film is just the characters exchanging “who farted” looks.

Did you see how long these stupid looks last in the video?? There’s no way the director isn’t in on the joke at this point. See also:

Yep, this is going to be good.