And Now Here’s The Full Teaser For Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtles

Hot on the heels of the sneak peek teaser, we have the full trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, produced by Michael Bay and directed by Jonathan Liebesman, of Battle: Los Angeles infamy. It opens August 8th. Much as I’d hoped, William Fichtner narrates the entire thing.

The city needs heroes. Darkness has settled over New York City as Shredder and his evil Foot Clan have an iron grip on everything from the police to the politicians. The future is grim until four unlikely outcast brothers rise from the sewers and discover their destiny as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The Turtles must work with fearless reporter April and her wise-cracking cameraman Vern Fenwick to save the city and unravel Shredder’s diabolical plan. [JoBlo]

I’m not sure what we get out of this trailer, other than that there’s going to voiceovers about crime and justice and heroes and blah blah blah, all intercut with some incomprehensible action sequences of CGI buildings smashing and inexplicably diagonal horizon lines. Ooh, and fainting. They may not be as faithful to the canon as some would have liked, but you know it’s a throwback when there’s a character fainting. I hope there are also lots of jokes about anchovies and someone partying with a lampshade on their head to really take me back to the 80s.