Senior Editor
02.26.10 30 Comments

(as discovered by PhotoShopDisasters)

Twilight‘s Taylor Lautner’s rippling stomach muscles are famous the world over for putting the “abs” in “abstinence parable,” especially in the New Moon poster. But what if… they weren’t really his abs!!!!11!!ONE!!1!  I just don’t know what to believe anymore!  Does this mean I shouldn’t do it in the butt to save myself for marriage?  Should I not hold out for my sparkling white Aryan who stalks me while I sleep?  Down is up, up is down, minorities aren’t scary!  Say it ain’t so, Shirtless Joe!

Also: how do you think that guy on the right gets his wiener to point sideways like that?  You think he rubs it like a twig before the photoshoot to get it to plump like a Ballpark frank?  I want to know his secret.  Mine usually just stares straight down at the floor all depressed.  It really bums the other people on the bus out.

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