Entertainment Editor
08.21.09 31 Comments

   I named this helicopter ‘Chopper Rotorway’.

UGO posted a round-up of info on The Expendables, and I’ll break it down like a clown.  Any potential spoilers will be placed after the jump.

  • The group is already established  at the start of the movie, so there won’t be a clichéd recruitment scene.
  • Sylvester Stallone plays Barney “The Schizo” Ross, leader of The Expendables.
  • Jason Statham plays Lee Christmas (really?), the second in command.
  • Mickey Rourke plays “Tool” (heh heh), an arms dealer and tattoo parlor owner/artist.
  • Jet Li plays Bao Thao. (That name’s not even English!  Absurd.)
  • Dolph Ludgren plays a sniper named Gunnar Jensen. Hang on.  Stallone named a sniper “Gunnar”?  You sly devil you. *slide whistle*
  • Terry Crews is the comedy relief of group and plays Jet Li’s best friend, Hale Caesar.  Wait, “Hale Caesar”?  Is he wearing a toga and banging boys?
  • Steve Austin plays “Dan Paine” (Pain?  Okay, this is getting ridiculous.) and is Eric Roberts’s’s’s’s bodyguard.
  • Randy Couture plays a demolitions expert named . . . wait for it . . . “Toll Road”.  Okay, now he’s just f–king with us.
  • David Zayas (I hope he’s a doctor) plays the evil dictator General Garza.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis have cameo roles.


  • Eric Roberts is playing a corrupt C.I.A. agent.
  • Dolph Lundgren “goes a bit rogue and winds up fighting Jet Li in the film.”
  • David Zayas has said that his character is a villian but is not necessarily the antagonist.

P.S.  “Potential spoiler” is my nickname for alcohol.  Ha ha, I love you, Scotches!

~ robopanda

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