Here's a picture of that hobo LL Cool J beat up

Senior Editor
08.29.12 21 Comments

Here’s a picture of Jonathan Kirby, a 56-year-old transient who broke into LL Cool J’s house and received an ass whoopin’ for his troubles. While every news outlet practically elbowed each other out of the way to be the first to make the obvious “Mama Said Knock You Out” joke*, it was unclear what Kirby’s actual injuries were. TMZ and the LA Times quoted an unidentified source saying LL Cool J – which of course stands for Laughing Lotus Coolidge Jello – had broken Kirby’s nose and jaw, but you can’t tell by the picture. It certainly doesn’t look like Kirby’s jaw is wired shut, and if his nose is broken, the jail didn’t bandage it, which I suppose is possible. Still, “broken jaw and nose” seems like a stretch.

The 56-year-old alleged burglar who got his ass whooped by LL Cool J last week just appeared in court … finally revealing his bruises from his painful encounter at the rapper’s L.A. home.
The transient in question — a man named Jonathan Kirby — is still sporting two black eyes … presumably from the nose-breaking punch LL delivered on the night Kirby broke into his home last week. [Presumably? How about you find out instead of presuming. -Ed]
During the hearing, Kirby pled “not guilty” to 1st degree burglary with a person present.
As we reported, the L.A. County District Attorney charged Kirby as a 3rd strike offender, which means Kirby now faces life in prison if convicted.
Kirby’s bail was set at $1.1 million. A preliminary hearing has been set for next month. [TMZ]

Yeesh, $1.1 million bail and life in prison? Seems a little harsh for a burglary. Hasn’t Lindsay Lohan robbed like 10 people in the last month?

Meanwhile, BloodyElbow pointed out that LL Cool J was spotted training with MMA guru Greg Jackson just a few months ago:

No wonder he didn’t break that hobo’s jaw. Goddamn Greg Jackson fighters, always point-fighting their way to boring decisions. (I don’t know how to explain this one to the non-MMA fans, so you’ll have to just take my word for it that that was funny).

*Our own commenter Alcoholics Gratuitous went with the more erudite Any Given Sunday joke, for those of us with a more discerning palate: “What’s the matter hobo, forget your invisible juice?”


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