The New Wolverine 2 Trailer Nukes the Well

Senior Editor
03.27.13 37 Comments

Man, if I had a nickel for every action movie trailer that started off with the hero all unkempt with a long beard and hair, claiming to have sworn off whatever it was that makes him the star of the movie. “That’s not who I am anymore,” hirsute Wolverine tells the Japanese chick who’s come looking for Wolverine in the new full-length trailer. Like duh, lady, no one rocks the Jesus look unless they’re hiding from something. Luckily, to become Wolverine, all he has to do is trim his beard a little and shave of the mustache spot above his lip. It’s the kind of facial that says “I may have gotten my act together, but I’m still a scruffy rogue.” I just hope they explain it somehow. “Quick, Wolverine! It’s time to groom yourself out of retirement!” “Okay, but all I have is this beard trimmer and three minutes!”

Anyway, I have only a moderate amount of dandruff so I don’t know exactly which comic book storylines this references, but it seems to me what we have here is your basic Superman II plot. The hero decides he doesn’t like his superhero powers anymore because “I just. Want. To fit in.”, so he gives them up somehow. But then a bunch of bad guys come and he’s like, “Man, I just wish I had my superpowers right now,” and gets them back somehow. There’s probably a chick and some explosions and a shadowy government agency.

Also, Wolverine survives a WWII nuclear explosion by hiding in a well, and it turns out the guy he saves goes on to own an awesome chair:

Of course, you can afford sweet chairs like that when you’re a Japanese pajama magnate.

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