The Only Thing Scary About The New ‘Ouija’ Trailer Is That This Movie Was Made

In case you forgot that there was a first trailer for the Michael Bay-produced Ouija, and you probably did, Universal and Platinum Dunes have a brand new trailer to remind everyone that there is indeed a movie about Ouija Boards being released for Halloween this year. It’s almost exactly the same as the original trailer, but this one is about a minute shorter and therefore has all of the same “scares” reduced to quicker shots that will leave us asking things like, “Wait, why is that girl so calm after having her mouth sewn shut with dental floss?” and “Does that other girl really think that shouting, ‘We don’t want to play anymore’ will make the bad spirits go away?” The answers, I’m afraid, will only come when you actually see this movie.

Or maybe they won’t, and this is will be the latest open-ended horror franchise for people who never get tired of ghosts sneaking up on bad actors, who are then dragged through the doorways of basements in Hollywood’s endless supply of haunted houses. Either way, at least the characters are doing the eye-rolling for us. But if I had to guess, Ouija cost $48 to make and will end up grossing $6.9 trillion. Give or take a few hundo.