Burnsy and I are pretty sure that Brett Ratner gave The Rock a beard in his ‘Hercules’ movie solely so that people wouldn’t confuse it with another ‘Scorpion King,’ but so far that’s unconfirmed. What is confirmed is that the ‘Hercules’ crew took such pains to create a realistic beard effect, that according to The Rock, he wore a kind of face merkin made from shaved yak pubes. Some sexy yaks walkin’ around out there, let me tell you.
As he told Michael and Kelly this week:
“They put so much time and effort into the wigs and the beard, you just can’t believe it. And by the way, I gotta tell you, the beard hair – this is crazy – the beard wasn’t lace, so it had to be put on in strips cut an inch high, a quarter-inch wide, piece by piece. And so I asked my Italian designer, I said ‘Matteo, what is this?’
And he goes ‘Oh, is the hair from a yak.’
And I said oh, the yak, what part? And he’s putting the hair here on my face and he goes ‘Oh, the testicles.’
It’s the softest.”
Which really makes you wonder: what about the female yaks? Are they just wandering around out there with seventies porno muffs while the dude yaks chafe around the pasture with shorn testes? Seems unfair.
Also, I know The Rock is half Samoan, and Samoans aren’t traditionally prodigious facial hair growers, but you’d think with the amount of steroids and HGH he was surely on to prepare for this role that he could’ve grown his own. Hell, he looks jacked enough that he was probably growing yak pubes out of his biceps.
Anyway, Brett Ratner’s ‘Hercules’ opens this Friday, and now I can’t stop thinking of Brett Ratner jacking himself off with a shrimp cocktail thinking of an Italian man covering The Rock’s face in yak pubes. It’s a very specific fetish.