08.13.09 9 years ago 27 Comments

The new Twilight Saga: New Moon trailer doesn’t officially come out tomorrow, but you know those cwazy Twilight fans, they don’t have things like friends or sex to keep them from digging up a bootleg version from France.  Amazingly, it actually seems less gay in French.  Here’s a transcript of the dialog, as transcribed by this person. (there are Jacob interview quotes interspersed with actual dialog):

Jacob: Has anyone ever shared a secret with you that you had to share with no one.
Jacob: New Moon is much more complex than Twilight.
Edward: I’m leaving, you’ll never see me again.
Jacob: Edward’s leaving makes Bella deeply depressive and Jacob becomes the friend on whom she can always rely.
Jacob: I know what he made you suffer, Bella, I’ll never make you suffer. I swear.
Bella: You know you’re beautiful?
Jacob: Jacob has changed in many ways and is physically much stronger, he put on at least 14 kilos. [30 pounds]
Bella: Be careful those things are really heavy. [cocks]
Jacob: As time passes you can feel the passion growing. New Moon will really bring it up to a whole new level. There’s more action in this movie especially with the intervention of the  wolf pack. I think fans will be really satisfied.
Jacob: New Moon is great. The suspense grows from the beginning to the end.

Yadda yadda yadda, he has long hair, is constantly shirtless, and rides a motorcycle.  I love that Stephenie Meyer’s idea of a “badboy” is basically Lorenzo Lamas.  If she wrote about convicts, she’d probably spend 400 pages describing their striped pajamas and lone ranger masks.  “And his jumpsuit, his jumpsuit was so stripey. It was so stripey it was scary.”

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