The ‘Weird Science’ Remake Is A Go, Buttwad

That picture above? That was a game-changer in my childhood, man. When people talk about John Hughes movies like Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, I’m always like, “Nah bro, it’s all about Weird Science” because it’s one of the greatest movies ever made. And now, here we are, delivering the inevitable – news that Weird Science is being remade by Universal Pictures.

This isn’t a grand revelation, as we knew this was coming, but now it’s as real as a Slurpee dumped on your head by Robert Downey Jr., because Universal has hired a writer.

The film will be produced by Joel Silver, who made the original with Hughes at Universal. Michael Bacall will write the script. He scripted the sleeper hit Project X for Silver Pictures and wrote the script for 21 Jump Street, another 80s-centric property that became a hit for Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill. (Via Deadline)

In a quick search of Twitter and Tumblr, I saw plenty of people upset about this news, to which I mentally replied, “Because this is clearly the worst thing happening in the world right now”, but the backlash should be expected. After all, this is a classic along the lines of Citizen Kane and Casablanca that is being remade. This isn’t Curly Sue or Beethoven’s 4th. This is Weird-f*cking-Science man.

But I’m here to talk my fellow bra-heads off the ledge. I have a little method – call it therapy – that we can use to ease ourselves into this idea…

First, close your eyes and imagine the movie in your head. Except take the actors and characters involved and replace them with your ultimate nightmare cast. For example, instead of Anthony Michael Hall and that other guy, my bizarro Weird Science stars Justin Bieber and Bow Wow, and their computer-engineered girlfriend is L’ee$a, played by Kim Kardashian. Oh, and Chet is played by Kellan Lutz.

Now, shake your nightmare out of your head like an Etch-a-Sketch and stare at this picture:

Finally, close your eyes again and imagine Brooklyn Decker, Kate Upton or whichever young model or actress raises the rocket in your house party as Lisa, and hold that image in your mind. That should work. But just in case it is Kim Kardashian, I’ll start sharpening some pitchforks.