New Wolverine Trailer: Wolverine gets shaved and fights the Japanese

Is there going to be a superhero movie where the hero DOESN’T start out all beardy and disheveled at the beginning of the trailer? If so, it won’t be Wolverine in The Wolverine, who’s already kind of beardy and disheveled to begin with, but still manages to start this new trailer EVEN MORE BEARDY AND DISHEVELEDER. GET A JOB, WOLVERINE! THE BUMS LOST!

You wonder if they do that in superhero movies hoping that it’ll somehow even out when the guy has to run around in tights later. But not Wolverine, he doesn’t do gay stuff like spandex tights. He wears leather and rides a motorcycle and chomps a big penis-shaped cigar because he’s super tough. GRRR, FOOTBALL!

Wolverine always seemed like one of Marvel’s better characters, and yet the movie (distributed by Fox, unlike Marvel properties Iron Man, The Avengers, etc) feels pretty close to the bottom of the most-anticipated list when it comes to superhero movies. Perhaps that’s a little unfair when it’s being directed by James Mangold and written by Christopher McQuarrie, two guys who’ve done solid work on occasion. Or, maybe that’s just what happens when the character has already been in four movies and the last two (X3 and X-Men Origins: Wolverine) were super shitty. Hey, whatever keeps Hugh Jackman from singing.

Based on the celebrated comic book arc, this epic action-adventure takes Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), the most iconic character of the X-Men universe, to modern-day Japan. Out of his depth in an unknown world, he will face a host of unexpected and deadly opponents in a life-or-death battle that will leave him forever changed. Vulnerable for the first time and pushed to his physical and emotional limits, he confronts not only lethal samurai steel but also his inner struggle against his own immortality. Story by Christopher McQuarrie.

In theaters: July 26, 2013

Well I love a good fish-out-of-water tale. I hope that this will be the Mr. Baseball of superhero movies. (Wolverine can’t murder the pitcher if he tips his cap).

Also, are there people who will freak out if a superhero movie doesn’t have that weird tripod move in it at least once? Is it a running inside joke? Are superheroes like down lineman, where they have to start in a three-point stance? I don’t get it. I only pose like this when I’m picking food up off the floor.