There’s Going To Be A ‘Paul Blart’ Sequel And Probably An Apocalypse

It had been talked about. People in powerful circles whispered the rumors in between virginal sacrifices. Children would wake up late at night screaming, “IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S HAPPENING!” leading their parents to call upon priests to perform exorcisms. All the while, we hoped and prayed that it was all a myth like the unicorn or hooker with a heart of gold, but it appears that our calls to a higher power were for naught. Happy Madison and Sony Pictures are indeed moving ahead with a sequel for Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

According to an exclusive from The Hollywood Reporter, Andy Fickman is in talks to take over directing duties, as Kevin James once again co-wrote the script and will star as the titular tit who rode around on a Segway and did stuff that was apparently considered funny enough by people willing to help Paul Blart earn $186 million worldwide.

But the thing that I can’t help but scratch my chin pubes over is the director switch. The original Paul Blart was directed by Steve Carr, who also had a hand in last year’s Movie 43 abomination. Aside from the remake of Cinderfella that he’s rumored to be directing, what else could Carr possibly be working on that could keep him from Paul Blart 2? Maybe it’s money or that James wants to take the film in a different direction.

So now I’m scratching my chin pubes even harder trying to figure out what the guy who most recently directed the terrible Parental Guidance can bring to the table that Carr can’t. And I just realized that I’ve now spent several minutes thinking about the creative process behind Paul Blart: Mall Cop, and I need to go check myself into a hospital for a brain bleed.