This Week In Netflix And Streaming: ‘Hitch,’ ‘Heathers,’ And ‘The Master’

I won’t lead you on and act like there’s a huge amount of hot streaming action this weekend. Hollywood rightly predicts that summer has sprung, they know we’re all outside drinking mai-tais, or, if we’re from certain states, pure wood-grain alcohol. Give it to me straight, people, both for alcohol AND streaming. Luckily, they are paying me an obscene amount to spout this gibberish, likely all coming from Vince’s dad’s plantation business, so let’s get it on.

Top Netflix Streamer of the Week (streaming)
Is Hitch at all racist? Or maybe more sexist? Regardless, we all forgive it because we like seeing Will Smith have allergic reactions. Allergic reactions are go-to comedy gold.

Streamability: For old timey sake!

Netflix Flashback of the Week (streaming)
It’s not new, but it is a film young persons should see, and it’s streaming with your Netflix subscription anyway. What else are you gonna do? Charity work? C’mon. ‘Heathers,’ the OG of dark (real dark) sex / high school comedies is a shining example of the good things that can happen when you cast Winona Ryder correctly. Also, Christian Slater went on to do car commercials, so you know he’s bonafide.

Lastly, this gives me a chance to embed my friend’s comedy video, and there’s really no point to having an Internet column if you can’t abuse your power. You guys should get one. I mentioned the video to Vince, but he didn’t bite, so what you’re really witnessing here is a grand social experiment about the nature of favors. I asked for one, apathy denied me, so the favor my friend asked for had to be forced into the equation. I’ll take Eric Nies style shout-outs next if you guys email them to me.

Anyway, the video is as good as the trailer ever will be at explaining the charms of the film.

Streamability: Yessir!

Netflix Curio of the Week (streaming)
The Master
I was once the biggest Paul Thomas Anderson fan there was. Well, after Fiona Apple. But ‘There Will Be Blood’ and ‘The Master’ have cured me of all that business. Don’t get me wrong, both are artful films, and even average PTA is superior to the best most other filmmakers have to offer. However, I can’t help but feel like he’s preaching at me, and in a way that ‘Boogie Nights,’ ‘Magnolia,’ and ‘Punch-Drunk Love’ never did. Didactic films tend not to be my own personal jam. [Vince’s Note: Laremy is an idiot. ‘There Will Be Blood’ and ‘The Master’ are amazing and ‘Magnolia’ is his worst film. Except for the frogs. The frogs were legit.]

Streamability: For the technical ability only.

Top Netflix Flashback of the Week
Before ‘Silence of the Lambs’ there was another Hannibal Lecter appearance. I wonder how many of you fans of cinema knew that little tidbit? The movie is from 1986, making it far out of memory-reach, but I liked the book at least, and a cursory glance at IMDB shows it was halfway decent. That’s what I recall too.

Streamability: Jump on it.

Paid Movie of the Week (Amazon, Google – $4.99)
Grand Budapest Hotel
Wes Anderson is so cute that at this point he’s probably drawing smiley faces and his lowercase “I” with a heart on his scripts. His movies are cutesy to the extreme, they rock a mic like a vandal, but they’re also damned good. Damned good. I wrote it twice for emphasis. ‘Grand Budapest Hotel’ (Vince’s review) is another in a long line of absolutely charming cinema from a guy who executes his personal vision every time out. The Ralph (pronounced like your plumber or barber) Fiennes character is great, but the teen, Tony Revolori, is the heartlight. Lovely.

Streamability: For sure.

Paid Family Movie of the Week (Amazon, Google – $3.99)
Lego Movie
I saw it twice, and not just to freak out parents with toddlers, either. “Hey hon, what’s that guy doing all the way up in the back row with a notebook? Think he’s profiling his prey?” No, made-up parent, I’m getting better at my craft, and shame on you for thinking ALL white film critics are pedos. I thought we were better than that. ‘Lego Movie’ is a vanilla and non-challenging story in the manner of ‘Wreck-It Ralph,’ which means compelling imagery is ooccasionally present. If you have children, it’s an absolute watch, if not, just get around to it eventually. Maybe after you check out ‘The Wire.’

Streamability: Possibly.

That’s all for now. I’m certain I missed things you lot are into, feel free to point those out in the most derisive manner possible. Thanks!

Laremy, much like homie, don’t play that. But he is on Twitter.