Top Netflix Streamer of the Week (streaming)
“It Felt Like Love”
I’m all in. From the distressed color palette, to the Sundance selection, to the weird teen angst, this title can’t get no righter. It would be like your emotional B12 shot for the week. You could just go out and be cold and lifeless to everyone, memories of sad lost kids sustaining you all the while. Probably the best film about people going down on others of 2014. Based on the imagery, I’m praying for “Powder 2014, Lass Edition”.
Top Netflix Cheese of the Week (streaming)
Here in Seattle it’s a sort of apocryphal tale, this idea of a den. I’d love a den, to have and to hold, maybe put a pool table and projector screen TV in there. This “The Den”, the movie “The Den”, seems to feature some wooden acting and the faulty premise that something like chat roulette isn’t always guys pleasuring themselves to hapless victims. Get some haps, you victims!
Streamability: Slim pickins on the new release front, so go crazy with it.
The Next Two Titles Expire From Netflix on August 1st, WHAaaaaaaat?
Soon to Disappear Gem (streaming)
“Airplane” (off Netflix Instant on August 1st)
Remember when slapstick wasn’t actively idiotic? Today we get trash like “Scary Movie” and “Apocalytpo”, but the era of “Airplane” and “Spaceballs” holds a special spot in my cold dead heart. This is the ultimate quotable film, especially if the other person hasn’t watched. “Wasn’t my week to quit sniffing glue.” Bosses love that kind of thing. They find it to be hilarious.
Streamability: Time is running out!! Watch it, you beautiful bastards, watch it.
Soon to Disappear Cautionary Tale (streaming)
“Zach and Miri Make a Porno” (off Netflix Instant on August 1st)
This movie is a landmark in history, even though the film itself is clearly forgettable. Before this, Kevin Smith was an affable fellow, cheery and pleasant. Now he’s a stick and the mud, and all because he pinned his hopes and dreams on the financial success of “Zach and Miri Make a Porno”. What do I base this theory upon? I interviewed him prior, and he said something to the effect of, “With all this marketing, if this one doesn’t open above $20 million, then I give up.” Fast forward, it didn’t open well, probably because the film to transition to mainstream audiences with shouldn’t have “porno” in the title. This pissed Kevin off, so he decided to make “Cop Out”, to just sell on out and try THAT method to open a film, but that didn’t work either. Plus, for the first time, critics raked one of his films over the coals. Which, you know, made sense because “Cop Out” sucked.