This Week in Posters and Stills: Magic Mike is going to be the best movie of all time

I’m going to level with you folks: This blogging game, it moves fast. Unlike your sister, it’s hard to stay on top of, and this feature takes a long time. Sometimes it’s hard to stay motivated to finish. But every time I’m feeling like it’s not worth the time, I just look at some new pictures from Magic Mike and it rejuvenates the spirit. McConaughey. Channing Tatum. The world of stripping. This could become the greatest movie ever made. I get excited just thinking about it. Stay tuned for more Magic Mike stills and posters, and more, in our latest This Week in Posters and Stills.

Ho-lee shit. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, BOOM! Gabriel Iglesias as the strip club DJ! And look at how Matty McC flexes his entire body while delivering lines! The man is a master! Try learning that from Sanford Meisner. Good luck! You know where you learn that? The College of Livin’.
I admit, I don’t know what’s about to come out of C-Tates’ mouth, but I know enough to let Burnsy handle it:
I hope you aren’t getting tired of Burnsy’s C-Tates cartoons yet – not that it would matter, they’re probably my favorite thing on the internet besides porn.

“Hey, girl, my name’s C-Tates, and I think your hat is fly. You and your friend wanna do a threesome or whatever?”

“Well hey hey heyyyy, there, little darlin’. If you lahhke the rattle on my neck, wait till I show you where I hiide the snake.”
“Well it looks like we got ourselves a sick lady onstage. ATTENTION, ALL STAFF! She’s gonna need 50 CCs of lovin’, STAT. You know, on second thought, she looks really sick. Better make it a six pack.”
via ComingSoon
In our hopefully brief break from C-Tates and Magic Mike, here’s Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis in a pair of new posters for The Campaign. I think the Capitol building in the background really drives home the point that Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis are political adversaries.
Jesus, is it just me, or does that baby have a gigantic freak dome? It looks like they’re growing another Tom Felton. That kid looks like they put a toupeé on a basketball.
Here’s a shot of Denzel in Flight, directed by Robert Zemeckis. If you take one thing from this, it’s this: Thank God Robert Zemeckis stopped making his dumb mo-cap movies. Here’s the trailer:

Phew, I was expecting it to be a plane the size of the Chrysler building or some such nonsense, but instead I got BRUCE GREENWOOD! Though I will say this, you’d think you’d see a guy chuck a scotch bottle at pictures of his family every day for as often as it happens in movies.
Going to minimalist route, I see. …Eh?
Holy crap, is that a naked lady about to dill herself with a lit stick of dynamite? Now that’s what I call a poster!
The first picture from the set of Iron Man 3. Tony Stark has a lot of suits these days. And, possibly an Under Armour sponsorship. “Jarvis, will you help me protect this house?”
Hmm, is she a jinx because she looks like she’s in a completely different movie than the rest of them? What’s going on with that hair? I look more like Catherine Zeta-Jones than that picture.
Whoa, whoa, settle down, don’t get too excited. It’s just a picture of Grant Bowler in costume as Richard Burton for Liz & Dick, Lindsay Lohan’s Lifetime movie. He looks just like him! I’d say if I had any idea what Richard Burton looked like.
Oh look, a helpful side by side. You know, I wasn’t interested in this film before, but now I know that they’ve taken the time to dress the actors in the manner of the characters they’re meant to be portraying, it’s sounding more and more appealing.
Why why why did Lindsay Lohan decide she needed lip injections? It was the drugs, wasn’t it. Yeah, probably the drugs. On the plus side, while those giant, over-injected lips may be gross to look it, they make a great cocaine shelf.
As if I wasn’t already seeing this opening night, they’ve provided me Photoshop fodder for months to come. If you like this, you might also enjoy Burnsy’s 10 Rejected Taglines for the Magic Mike poster.
I hope this is just the part at the beginning, before the guy opens a Coors Light and a bunch of chicks in bikinis show up and Hank Williams Jr. sings a song about football and the pool magically fills up.
And here we have the first promo shot from Octomom’s porno. I’m impressed they were able to crop out the crew vomiting. “OH GOD, WE’RE GOING TO NEED A WIDE-ANGLE LENS!”
Ahh, I see the We Need to Talk About Kevin kid joins Percy Jackson and Emma “Three Points for Gryffindor” Watson, who’s going to answer one of my love letters one of these days, I can feel it. Anyway, I know this is going to sound shallow, but I don’t like Logan Lerman’s face. Someone should really do something about it.
MY GOD, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THOSE LIPS! Wait, did that sound racist? I just meant, like, it’s a really big head. The lips are probably proportional.
“You’ve spilled my ink for the last time, crow.”
Robert DeNiro’s great choice of projects continues, it seems. This is a poster for Red Lights, by the way. I don’t know whether the names are lined up with the corresponding faces, or why Robert DeNiro is floating like that, for that matter.
You have to grant them this, they did a great job reducing Resident Evil down to its most important parts.
They seem to be selling Take This Waltz as a traditional rom-com, which is an interesting choice. If it were my money, I’d be selling it as the movie where Sarah Silverman goes full frontal. Said Silverman, “it’s going to be awful.” I haven’t seen it, so I don’t know if she’s just being hard on herself, but even if she does look bad, I probably won’t notice, because body shame is an aphrodisiac for me.
This poster manages to have floating heads and lots of diagonals, two things I like to bitch about on movie posters, but I actually kind of like how they did it here. Fascinating, I bet. Here’s the trailer:

Hmm, sort of looks like Closer, but with more sex crimes. I’m excited for rapey Ben Foster.
This one’s for Samsara, from Baraka director Ron Fricke. I never saw Baraka, but in college this one really serious, kinda pretentious kid would always talk about it. Then a couple years later, I heard that same dude got thrown in jail for murder in Nicaragua, but it turned out he didn’t do it. Cool story, huh. Anyway, I like the poster. It’s blue. 

Paramount Pictures is celebrating its 100th anniversary this year and to commemorate the occasion, employees are getting a limited edition print designed by DKNG and commissioned by Gallery 1988. Check out the full image below. [Slashfilm]

I like the idea that you can break any film down to a single little button graphic. Magic Mike would just be a burnt dick and a stack of dollar bills.
And finally, someone made a poster for the fictional Janis Joplin biopic-created-without-the-estate’s-permission film, Jackie Jormp-Jomp.
[via Vulture]