This Week In Posters: Nazis, Nicholas Sparks, And Confused James Franco

We’re starting this week’s This Week in Posters with Nicholas Sparks, and why not? This poster so clearly follows the Sparks formula — the close-eyed headbutt, the sunset, the cathartic moment next to a body of water — that they don’t even bother with actors’ names. “Do you like Nicholas Sparks movies? Because this is a Nicholas Sparks movie.”

According to IMDb, Teresa Palmer and Ben Walker play the main couple, so I assume that’s them sitting underneath the altar. (I believe your people might call it a chuppah?) And knowing Sparks, the “choice” will involve her having to choose between her crew scholarship to Harvard and staying on the North Carolina coast to raise adopted orphans with a wounded ex-Marine who runs a quaint shop selling ships in bottles. What will she choose! I bet she’ll pick a fancy career as a Northeast intellectual over small-town Southern love, that’d be just like Nicholas Sparks, the Thomas Kinkade of fiction.

Something about this poster just screams “film-student movie.” Is it the self-awareness? The yellow text?

“If you like movies, you’ll love this movie, which is definitely a movie. Starring Dave, Mark, Steve, Tony’s cousin Tina… and, someone has a gun for some reason. Coming this Fall, Movie: The Movie.”

This poster for Burnt (trailer here) is a little strange — Bradley Cooper has his arms crossed and his head cocked to the side like he wants to fight me, but the guy on his left is smiling at the crowd and doing shout-outs like he’s walking the red carpet. Sienna Miller’s slightly parted, come hither lips belie her tough-girl bob and multiple cartilage piercings. In any case, this still looks like the trying-too-hard version of Chef. We need a John Leguizamo character in there for levity.

“Go ahead, punk, make my soufflé.”

If your movie has Eric Roberts and a guy holding a gun in the poster, stop drilling, you’ve struck oil. But this one also has a wrestler in the lead (did WWE studios get big-timed by John Cena?) and a sweet tagline: “THE WORLD’S DEADLIEST GAME IS BACK ONLINE.”

Online, eh? I have to say, nothing about this poster gave me any hint that it was about gamers.

Douglas Brown is going with the old fashioned poster, with just the names, sort of a bold choice when the biggest name is Dan Hedaya. That said, I love Dan Hedaya. Fun fact: Writer/director Justin Daly is Ingrid Bergman’s grandson.

Written and directed by first-time filmmaker Justin Daly, Douglas Brown is a Hollywood satire inspired by the inside knowledge he gleaned from grandmother Ingrid Bergman. James McCaffrey, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Zoe Bell, Bill Sage, Dan Hedaya and Robert Forster star in the Player-esque story of a reclusive movie star who hires a private detective after he’s anonymously blackmailed. Things turn violent when an aspiring writer is fingered for the crime in a dangerous case of mistaken identity. [Indiewire]

(*Zoolander voice*) Sounds cool. I’m jealous, the only knowledge I gleaned from my grandmother was not to put my feet on the davenport.