FilmDrunk

This Week in Posters: Remakes and Remakes and Transformers 4


It’s time for another installment of This Week in Posters, and this week C-Tates and friends are here to kick this party off right! (*thrusts hips, throws shirt at audience, trips over coffee table*) The official theater rules for my press screening say shirts are required, but I think I saw a lot laaawbreakers in the mirror. (*rubs belly*)

Prediction: Nine months from next week, there will be a spike in the birth rate. This will be known as the “Magic Mike Spike.”

For some reason, I keep imagining Joe Namath underneath the mask, drunkenly slurring “Can ah kissh you?”

Anyway, yeah. Diagonals. Yay.


I honestly do love period pieces, but this looks so far up its own ass that watching it sounds like a chore. Yet almost every girl I know has been squealing about it on Facebook ever since the trailer came out. They don’t seem to mind the epic hokeyness. I’ve concluded that this is Transformers for girls.

Andy Samberg is POTENT, yo. Move over, Peter North! Ah, just busting your balls, Goss. Ha, “busting balls.”

Semen.


Ooh, I wonder if this will be quirky.

Also, what the f*ck is a “sachet?” (*googles*) Wait, so it’s the same thing as a satchel? Do we really need two words spelled almost the same way that mean the exact same thing? There is no need for both. It’s time to put a stop to this. Just tell me where to direct this angry letter.

…AND THEN HE HEADBUTTED HER TO DEATH!

Is that how this ends? Otherwise, pass.


NO NO NO NO NO NO. Women. How many times do I have to tell you? One person talks, THEN the other person talks. I’m a lip reader, and in this poster, both these girls are doing that “most annoying sound in the world” thing from Dumb & Dumber.

Man, can you imagine the amount of high-fiving that went on after they thought of that tagline? So much.


Here’s a sneak peak at James Franco in the poster for Sam Raimi’s Oz The Great and Powerful.

The March 8, 2013 release imagines the origins of L. Frank Baum’s beloved character, the Wizard of Oz. When Oscar Diggs (Franco), a small-time circus magician with dubious ethics, is hurled away from dusty Kansas to the vibrant Land of Oz, he thinks he’s hit the jackpot-fame and fortune are his for the taking-that is until he meets three witches, Theodora (Mila Kunis), Evanora (Rachel Weisz) and Glinda (Michelle Williams), who are not convinced he is the great wizard everyone’s been expecting. Reluctantly drawn into the epic problems facing the Land of Oz and its inhabitants, Oscar must find out who is good and who is evil before it is too late. Putting his magical arts to use through illusion, ingenuity-and even a bit of wizardry-Oscar transforms himself not only into the great and powerful Wizard of Oz but into a better man as well. [Coming Soon]

In preparation for the role, James Franco already obtained an MFA in Wizardry from Cornell. His final project was ziplock bag filled with his own farts titled “The Magic of Perception.”


Eh? At least they’re not wearing clown wigs, and the film does seem to take place during an actual ice age (I can’t stand it when kids movies piss all over science and history).

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