Quite a week in posters and stills I’ve got for you today, Drunkards. We’ve got the first set photos from the Arrested Development movie, Channing Tatum’s latest joint that you probably forgot about, the Red Dawn remake (ugh), The Expendables 2, and of course, James Bond and the whole Skyfall crew, including Javier Bardem, who looks like if Meekus from Zoolander starred in a remake of The Matrix.
“No, meethair Bon’, I esspec ju to be faboolouth. Ju are tacky, an I hate ju. Goo’ bye.”
Remember this movie? It’s Channing Tatum’s 10 Years
a Slave. That picture is actually him and Rosario Dawson in high school, but Photoshopped because they didn’t actually know each other then. THE FUTURE IS NOW!
As the poster implies, Tatum and Rosario Dawson play ex-high school sweethearts who haven’t seen each other for years. That particular shot of them together as teenagers was Photoshopped, but writer jamie Linden says his cast shares a surprising amount of personal history. “There are pictures of Chris Pratt and Rosario from 10 years ago,” he says. “Kate [Mara] and [Anthony] Mackie have known each other for a long time. And Mackie and Oscar [Issac] went to Juilliard together with Lynn [Collins]. There’s all sorts of one degrees of separation with all the cast.” He chuckles. “‘Young Hollywood,’ for lack of a better term — that feels like something out of a Bret Easton Ellis novel — is kind of a small group. Everyone knows each other.”
Aw, isn’t that cute. I wish it really was a Bret Easton Ellis novel. They would all f*ck, and someone would probably get killed, but that part might be all in his head. “Yo, Ro-Dawz, yo tittays is fly or whateva, but me and this ATM machine is all about the stray kitty, nah mean?
And here we have the new poster for Shower Drain Bane. Okay, it’s not a poster and it isn’t a movie, but it’s still awesome.
Oh man. Alex Cross is going to be so cross when he finds out someone’s about to cross Alex Cross. It’s amazing to me that in 2012, studios still get big boners for films precisely as generic as the one Donald Kaufman pitched in Adaptation as the prototypical example of a generic film a studio would love. And that was like 10 years ago. Here’s an excerpt from that script, and tell me it doesn’t apply almost perfectly to Alex Cross:
The only idea more overused than serial killers is multiple personality. On top of that, you explore the notion that cop and criminal are really two aspects of the same person. See every cop movie ever made for other examples of this.
“Mom called it psychologically twat.”
OMG OMG OMG OMG THE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT MOVIE IS FILMING! Or at least, the first new episodes of the show that lead up to the movie are filming. Man, Jason Bateman, wearin’ a button-up shirt. Classic. Still got it, my man, still got it.
This is probably the most intriguing shot, of David Cross in his never-nude jean shorts, rocking the socks with birkenstocks combo and lookin all quirky. I don’t know about you, but my money’s on some hijinks going down.
OMG, THEY’RE AT THE AIRPORT!
Hey! What are the Workaholics guys doing there?? That’s a… weird crossover. Though I do love me some Workaholics, especially Adam Devine. Every time I look at Blake, all I can think about is what an impossible pain in the ass it must be to have all that hair. He must score a LOT of poontang for it to be worth it. C’mon bro, seriously, let me smell your fingers.
Hey hey heeeeey, what up, you’ve reached The Beek from the Creek, leave a message after the beep… Aw, goddammit, a crew movie? Are you serious? Jesus, I thought lacrosse movies were bad. Rowing just makes me think of the Winklevoss twins, and those two dillweeds can go play with each other’s polo ponies. I’d rather take a croquet mallet to the nuts.
WHOA, Jerry Stiller, Christopher Lloyd, AND Wayne Knight? What God did I please!
As awful as the Photoshop on this is (look at Arnold’s face), I do enjoy the concept (click to enlarge). I hope they put in extra swear words and a gay relationship subplot just to spite that dick Chuck Norris.
Haha, Jon Heder. Nice try, Sundance movie, you can’t sneak Napolean Dynamite by me.
I’m going to go ahead and assume we’ve got a Chekov’s Gun situation going on in the background there and someone’s going to get shot with it before the final act. But then, Maria Full of Grace was boring as hell, so who knows. It’s hard to trust all those critic quotes and accolades with movies like these, because critics often confuse serious subject matter with good storytelling, especially if it’s treated thuper theriouthly. See also: 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days. Why so serious? How about a Holocaust rom-com, I always say (not really).
Great poster. The marketing team for this movie should get a medal, because everything they’ve put out to promote it so far has made me want to see the hell out of it. Put it this way, if me wanting to see a movie was bricks, the Imposter would have many. Jeez, I need to work on my similes.
Good lord that is a bad poster. This looks like one of those DVD Menu templates you’d find in a “Grandma’s First Home Movie” program. Here’s the trailer:
Dude, don’t you hate it when some college chick half your age totally wants to do you and you’re both in love but you feel super bad about it because you’re such a good dude? And eventually you get together, but it’s super hard at first because your family doesn’t understand that you and the college chick actually love each other because love is blind and age is just a number especially for hot 18-year-old college chicks and you can’t help but do them because you’re totally in love? Man, I hate that, precocious. Mature, 18-year-old college chicks always wanting to do me, I guess it’s just my cross to bear.
I like this poster, and this movie looks nuts (sidenote: does JGL have a cauliflower ear?). But every time I read “fight your future” I get an image of me walking up to my 80-year-old self and kicking his cane out from under him while he pisses himself. “F*CK YOU, OLD MAN! I SHOULD’VE DRANK YOU TO DEATH YEARS AGO!’
Here’s an Asian poster for same. That white stuff? You guessed it, TIME DUST. That’s the dust in the wind we’re all blowing in, Cheech. Deep, huh?
Everything about this except Lena Dunham as co-writer (Girls is great, kiss my ass) makes me want to run in the other direction. I don’t know what’s worse, John Krasinski’s face or Olivia Thirlby’s hair. She looks like she’s about to tell me that the Shins are going to change my life. The worst part? I actually really liked Garden State, and now I have to hate myself for it.
Why is the water splashing back at them? Is that a tsunami? RUN, DAKOTA FANNING! THE MOTORCYCLE ISN’T FAST ENOUGH! TELL HIM TO BRING THE WAR HORSE!
Have you seen the trailer for this one yet? I guess it’s apt that the faces in the poster look about as derpy as the movie as a whole.
Sunglasses: Visual shorthand for “good time party boy” since 1957.
This poster is actually so lame it bends back around to being cool again. Also, Paul Dano hasn’t started to bother me yet, but at some point he’s going to have to learn to close his mouth when he’s not speaking.
This poster is actually super-duper-sized, but you have to click to enlarge it. Just don’t gaze too closely into Daniel Craig’s eyes. You might get pregnant.
I am indifferent to rap, but I love documentaries. TALK ABOUT A DILEMMA! Actually, as long as Ice-T is narrating, I could watch anything. Ice-T is like a street-wise Morgan Freeman.
Again – someone, anyone, for God’s sake – LINE UP THE GOD DAMNED NAMES WITH THE CORRECT FACES! I want to make sweet sex to Lizzy Caplan, but it’s weird if I have to call her Chris Noth while we do it.
“Trouble with the Curve” – sadly, not a documentary about Peyronie’s Disease. Do NOT Google that unless you want to see a lot of peen.
Poster for Kathryn Bigelow’s Bin Laden movie, Zero Dark Thirty. Boy, they are really pushing the whole “redacted” theme, aren’t they? In fact, all they’ve really showed us so far is THIS MOVIE HAS A “REDACTED” THEME!
Here’s a first look at Pixar’s Toy Story-spinoff short, Partysaurus Rex. Poor Partysaurus Rex, he has to have someone else put on his beer helmet.
I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m pretty sure I like it.
[via EW. All posters via IMPA except where noted]