Welcome to another installment of my favorite new weekly series, This Week in Streaming, where I tell you some random movies to watch on Netflix and Hulu, and you insult my mom. This week’s picks include a few you may (and should) have already seen, but it’s never too late for now, is what I always like to say. So get your Netflix and Hulu Plus accounts open and get ready to press play on what may be some of the best or worst movies that you ever watch in your lives, including:
View From the Top
King of Paper Chasin’
This is Spinal Tap
And I fully expect for the one about a mutant crocodile trying to eat Costas Mandylor to be one of the best movies that any of us has ever seen.
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Seann William Scott, Rosario Dawson, Christopher Walken, Ewen Bremner, Jon Gries
Looking to retire and open a restaurant, a bounty hunter named Beck gets roped into one final assignment: fetching his employer’s errant son from the Amazon jungle. Along the way, Beck finds himself involved in a treasure hunt and a rebel uprising.
Random Netflix User Review: It is very risky to like this movie. First, it encourages Hollywood to make a brain-dead sequel to this movie. Second, it encourages Hollywood to continue to hire Sean William Scott, who actually detracts from every movie he is ever in. Most dangerous of all, if we keep liking movies starring The Rock, someday he will be Governor T. Rock and will launch a bid for the White House approximately 25 years from now. But I liked the movie anyway. Very enjoyable. God help us all.
Should You Watch it? I’m not afraid to admit it – I love this movie. It’s stupid but fun, right down to the monkey humping the Rock’s face. Plus, Christopher Walken just being a prick of a villain, you really can’t go wrong with this one.
Starring: John Cusack, Tim Robbins, Doug McClure, Connie Stevens
In this high-energy satire of the music biz, Ivan Alexov (John Cusack) and Josh Tager (Tim Robbins) lose their jobs as security guards, and they decide to start their own video production company. Their first gigs are less than inspiring, including a rappin’ commercial for a chicken-and-waffle place, a living will, and a right-wing Presidential-hopeful’s (Clu Gulager) gala dinner. Eventually, they get to direct a heavy-metal music video which becomes a huge surprise success. But now the politician needs to get back a private videotape from the boys, and the Secret Service is put on their trail. This chaotic romp has cameos from more music celebs than you can shake a tape reel at, as well as a hopping little soundtrack by Fishbone. This is also the film that introduced a conservative folksinger/politician character who later got his own movie, Bob Roberts.
Random Hulu User Review: None. Nobody has watched it apparently.
Should You Watch it? I think I saw this back in college when I went through my “80s Cusack was a god!” phase. I don’t remember much about it, but I might watch it eventually in my current “I miss Cusack from Grosse Pointe Blank!” phase.
Starring: Justin Long, Jorge Garcia, James Urbaniak, Michaela Watkins, John Ross Bowie, Steve Tom
You’ll see the rest, now watch the FIRST. Justin Long stars in the first biopic of Apple founder Steve Jobs. Also starring Jorge Garcia, James Urbaniak, and Michaela Watkins, this is a hilarious comedic look at the life of Steve Jobs.
Random Netflix User Review: First time I’ve ever rated a movie 1 star on Netflix… absolute trainwreck of unfunny “humor” that does no justice to what is actually A REALLY INTERESTING STORY. Clearly, this movie was just trying to capitalize on the interest in Steve Jobs and upcoming biopics, and really really rushed production. The script is so stilted and awkward it is painful to watch. I suppose the actors do a decent job considering the horrendous dialog they were given.
Should You Watch it? I’ve never heard of this, and I can’t even describe the sound I made when I saw it on Netflix for the first time.
Starring: Heather Ann Davis, Eric Callero, Danny Trejo (seriously???)
The love triangle of mortals, vampires and werewolves must be cast aside when the beloved Bella is in danger. Again. This time a gang of bloodsucking newborns threatens her life, and the two loves of her life are forced to put their differences aside to save her. Again.
Random Hulu User Review: Why does the movie start out with a grandma giving someone a blow job? That’s not comedy its soft core porn. Anyone who likes this is a child or mentally deficient. Ill stop watching here thanks. And I’m not a twilight fan so that has nothing to do with me thinking this is freaking stupid. And by the way farts stopped being funny in 7th grade.
Should You Watch it? The person who posted that review is named Mariah Ream, so I laughed at her name for like 20 minutes before I shouted, “Don’t you talk bad about fart jokes!” Still, how did someone make a parody that looks worse than Vampires Suck?
View From the Top
Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Christina Applegate, Mark Ruffalo, Candice Bergen, Joshua Malina, Kelly Preston
A small-town girl’s dreams of becoming a flight attendant hit some turbulence when she encounters a catty colleague, a frisky pilot and a crazy instructor. Fortunately, she has an “experienced” friend who shows her the ropes.
Random Netflix User Review: This wasn’t the most enthralling of films, but it was light hearted and fun to watch. I really did enjoy it. (And am I the only one who wonders if Mark Ruffalo had to stand on a box to kiss Gwen?)
Should You Watch it? How on Earth could you ever turn down a catty colleague, a frisky pilot and a crazy instructor? But I will only watch this if Gwyneth Paltrow’s flight attendant talks down to all of the people in coach and tells them how easy it is to fly in your own private jet for $6,000 per trip.
King of Paper Chasin’
Starring: Dwayne Clark, Piarry Oriol, Lauren Hooper, Jason Rivera
When Carter Blanche, a ruthless inner city drug dealer, tries to quit the dope game and go straight as a credible underground artist in the mixtape circuit, he faces deception, betrayal and violence from the people closest to him.
Random Hulu User Review: None. Nobody wants to learn how to chase paper apparently.
Should You Watch it? Yes, because I’d like to learn how to chase paper. I don’t necessarily know what that means, but I’d like to be good at it.
Starring: Ben Stiller, Greta Gerwig, Rhys Ifans, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Brie Larson, Juno Temple
At a crossroads in his life, New Yorker Roger Greenberg takes time to figure things out and travels to Los Angeles, where he house-sits for his brother and forges an unlikely bond with his sibling’s assistant, Florence Marr.
Random Netflix User Review: i ask you, why does the main character have to be likable for the movie to be worthwhile? not saying it’s the most amazing movie ever made but i really enjoyed these characters, likable or not.
Should You Watch it? This movie was really well-reviewed (75% critics on Rotten Tomatoes) but it seems like the Average Joe really disliked it. I haven’t seen it, so I look forward to checking it out at some point soon.
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Tania Raymonde
After revealing to her best friend Sarah (Anna Kendrick) that she has been meeting men online, Jillian (Tania Raymonde) goes missing. Now, the only clues to her whereabouts are her diary and a cryptic video message sent from her cell phone.
Random Hulu User Review: I liked the movie. Yes, it should have been a thriller. I was hoping for a drama movie tonight instead of thriller. No biggie, I can watch something else to get this thriller outta my head! I did like it though :D
Should You Watch it? Not if it’s going to be mistakenly categorized as a drama when it’s really a thriller. Sometimes I need to be watching a drama, damn it.
Starring: Costas Mandylor, Charles Napier, Bruce Weitz, Matt Borlenghi, Jane Longenecker, Max Perlich
Paula Kennedy heads a corporation researching accelerated-growth hormones, which geneticists inject into a crocodile that soon gets loose and grows to titanic proportions. Naturally, the critter starts munching on the folks in a nearby town.
Random Netflix User Review: Watchable ‘B’ Creature Feature. This is another story of science gone wrong. Geneticists extract growth hormones from an African dinosaur crocodile ancestor and create two little monster crocs. One baby croc eats the other, kills a scientist and escapes into a near-by small town. Subsequently, animals and people are eaten and we get to giggle at the Animitronic DinoCroc. The story isn’t remotely original, the acting is stilted and the Creature made me laugh. Still, it’s not too bad of a B film. Give a watch if you were ever a fan of the old Godzilla movies. 3/5 stars
Should You Watch it? Um, excuse me, but it’s a movie about a giant crocodile attacking people AND it stars Costas Mandylor? How could you not watch that?
This is Spinal Tap
Starring: Rob Reiner, Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer
Get personal with one of music history’s greatest — and loudest — heavy metal bands…Spinal Tap! Acclaimed commercial director, Marty DiBergi (Rob Reiner), takes you behind-the-scenes for an intimate “rockumentary”!
Random Hulu User Review: One of the best comedies ever made.
Should You Watch it? Man, if you haven’t watched this… God help you.