This week in This Week In Movie Posters, there’s a whole new batch of Doctor Strange posters, Bad Santa 2, the new Jim Jarmusch, Fantastic Beasts, and all sorts of stuff. But we’re going to begin with this poster for Autumn Lights, because it’s just so fascinating. I mean, a guy? A girl with some bangs? People looking at blurry stuff? This one really has everything. Okay, you caught me, we started with Autumn Lights because the posters are in alphabetical order and it begins with A. If people had to buy movie tickets out of the Yellow Pages that would probably be a good marketing strategy. That must be what they were counting on here, that whole Yellow Pages crowd.
“Giving the holidays another shot.” I love that a truly good tagline/poster combo just seems obvious. “Well of course, I could’ve thought of that.”
Sure, you could’ve. Sure.
Once again, I can’t tell if Madea is supposed to be the killer, the victim, or the storyteller, Tales of the Crypt-style in A Madea Halloween. I’m not sure Tyler Perry even knows. It’s also a safe bet that I’m never going to find out.
Mr. Perry, are you trying to seduce me? I love it when a big strapping man dresses up like a grandma and does hacky jokes. It’s a very specific kink.
I like how they think he needs to put the flashlight under his chin to make Madea scary.
“The Carer.” So I guess it’s some kind of… May-December romance with a wheelchair twist? Sure, let’s go with that. The cool thing about Brian Cox, is that even when he’s not being a gravelly-voiced curmudgeon, like even when he’s playing some polite good guy, just the tension between the character and it being Brian Cox is compelling on its own. Is he going to shout at someone? You’re on the edge your seat waiting to find out.
I’m also fascinated by the hair decision on this poster. A breeze blowing the heroine’s hair over a third of her face? Sure, why not. It’s like the idea that she has flowy hair is more important that her face. Can’t be an altruistic free spirit without flowy hair, I always say.
Here’s a tough question: Is this a period piece? They set up a real conundrum with the old-timey typewriter. In any case, I’m just excited that someone is finally going to depict the lives of witty writers in New York City. I’ve heard the city is almost like another character.
And here we have the first of a great big Cumberbatch of new Doctor Strange posters. See, poster designers, if you’re going to do the tilted horizon line thing, at least go all the way. Most of the time, people are just tilted sideways for no apparent reason. Here, there’s a logic to why I’m looking at a tilted thing.
And that logic is “…Because it’s strange.”
Wait wait wait, the two lead actors are both named Benedict? What are the odds of that? They had to cast another Benedict just for that, right?
Ah, and I see they’ve cast our strangest actress: Rachel McAdams. That look on her face seems to say, “Uh, like what’s even happening right now? Like why does everything look so… strange?”
Ooh, I love the poor analog reception effect on this one. And I’m glad that someone’s finally going to make a superhero movie that involves a portal to another dimension. I wonder if they have to try to close it down somehow. And maybe it’s hovering over the city. That sounds like it could be exciting.
Behind every man in a giant collared cloak with a massive medallion is an extremely tasteful and put-together woman, I always say.
I’m really attached the idea that Benedict Wong is the bizarro Benedict Cumberbatch from China.
Whoaaaaaoooaaaa portals within portals, maaaaan. BRAAAAAAAAHMMM. I think this is a good illustration of why women love Benedict Cumberbatch. He always has that facial expression that looks like he has 20 simultaneous fiery flashback sequences going on inside his brain.
Now, Tilda Swinton, she seems like a perfect foil for Benedict Cumberbatch. In fact, maybe she should’ve been Doctor Strange.
In case you were worried Benedict Cumberbatch would be the only one in a silly outfit, Mads Mikkelson is more than pulling his weight here. I’m not even sure what he’s holding. I just like that he looks… strange.
Why didn’t anyone tell me Mads Mikkelsen was in this? If I was on the fence about this before, I’m all in now. I just hope that it’s sufficiently… strange.
Don’t look at her circle fingers! She puts it over her boob and if you look she gets to sock you in the shoulder. Them’s the rules.
Wait, so is the plot of Fantastic Beasts that all of the little magic dorks from Harry Potter move the city and buy trenchcoats?
Also, this looks like an ad for hair product.
Interesting poster for The Girl On The Train here. I feel like an idiot because I only just now got that the title font is supposed to mimic the look of scenery flying by when you look at it from a train window.
You know something big is about to go down when all of the suit men have a look of concern. This Summer… BROWS! WILL! FURROW!
Oh hell yes. I spent the weekend seeing ads for Jack Reacher every five minutes. My favorite part of the TV spot is when he punches through the car window with his li’l grape-sized fist. Every time I see these posters I keep hearing Mugatu’s voice from Zoolander. “…With your motorcycle jacket and your slick dark hair, you are a super hot assassin machine!” (*Tom Cruise karate chopping the air for five minutes*)
Does anyone understand the Kevin Hart phenomenon? I mean, he seems nice enough, but I don’t know what’s happening here.
In case you missed the trailer we posted the other day, King Cobra stars James Franco and Christian Slater LOCKED IN A GAY PORN FEUD! Is it weird that every time there’s a high profile gay role now I automatically think of James Franco? I don’t think a straight guy playing gay is that crazy, but it seems odd that a straight guy is America’s go-to gay character actor. Like every time there’s a gay story, someone projects a giant silhouette of Dicknose in Paris in the night sky above the city. “America needs you, James Franco. America needs you to kiss a dude. Again.”
You can always tell which ones are gay porn stars because they’re wearing the necklaces with the names on them. #Lifehack
I had to look this up, but from some cursory Googling, I’ve gathered that Max Steel is Mattel’s non-U.S. centric version of G.I. Joe? Swell. I’m still not sure why the “A” in the poster has a drawing of the female reproductive system in it, but I assume that will become clear with time. Also, that looks a free font that came with iMovie.
I have to admit, “Golshifteh Farahani” is a pretty boss name for a bulldog. Seems like kind of a mouthful though.
I’m digging this new Raiders logo. Just kidding, this is clearly a poster for Pirates Of The Caribbean 12: Are We Seriously Still Making These Things?
Oh, hello, Alice. But is it really the end of your story, because I feel like you guys promised that like three sequels ago. Anyway, the disintegrating effect is pretty cool.
“Search Engines,” huh? What’d they do, name it after the thing you have to use to figure out who the actors are? Hey you’ve been great folks tip your waitress God bless.
Have any of you ever put those little decorative thingies on the ends of your turkey legs? I’ve never seen those outside of movies.
I like this poster. I have an idea of what it’s about, and I know that it has all sorts of buzz and acclaim. That being said, I can’t get past the fact that the first critic’s name is “Bears Fonte.” I really hope that’s the name his mother gave him. “Yes, I think we will name him Bears.”
“Bear? Like the animal?”
“No, not Bear, Bears. Plural. Like with the power of multiple bears.”
I wish I had a cool pluralized animal name.
Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator. Fan FilmDrunk on Facebook, find the latest movie reviews here.