This Week In Posters: March 13th, 2014

This Week in Posters is back, leading things off with this new IMAX poster for The Amazing Spider-Man 2, probably the most hotly anticipated sequel to a reboot made by a studio who couldn’t agree with the original director but had to make a movie anyway in order to keep the rights to the comic book property EVER MADE. I don’t know why they don’t just put that on the poster.

That said, I actually like this poster. They figured out a way to do a weird horizon line in a way that makes sense, and the “Oscorp” on the building was a nice touch (though you do wonder why it would be printed upside down). That being said, I guess the spread eagle pose had me hoping there would be more crotch bulge. (*sighs, kicks can*)

Oh look someone filmed an adaption of my nightmares.

So Cam Gigandet plays a guy named “Rich Johnson” (subtle) who is such a lady’s man that one day he wishes his dick would leave him alone. And through the magic of high concept, his dick becomes a dude and runs away and moves into a van or something. Hey, whatever keeps this dog-faced mongoloid from reproducing. No Gigandet gremlins, thank you.

On a separate note, the director’s name is “Huck Botko,” which sounds like onomatopoeia for a tonka truck or something.

Bad Words… wait, why is there a cat on the poster? Why am I looking at a cat??? SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

And now a donkey?! A cat and then a donkey? Okay, there’s clearly a pattern at work here, let’s true to work through this logically…

A cat, a donkey, a rooster– Oooh, I see what you did there. I get it now. It’s like, a double meaning. Very clever, Bad Words.

“This movie has bad words” seems to be the message here.

I had to hold this poster up to the mirror to see what it was for and then I got distracted by a pimple. What were we talking about?

At first I thought the clouds were in the shape of Kentucky, but then I looked it up just in case, and now I realize it’s more like a backwards Virginia.

See? I made this just to prove I’m not crazy. Clearly, I got a little sidetracked.

In any case, I hear the movie is very good, and I met the director and the lead actor at Fantastic Fest, who both apparently both read FilmDrunk. Cool story, huh.

At first I was worried that this was just going to be about circus performers, but it looks like there’s also math involved so now I’m sold.

I get it, “break point,” because it’s like, that’s a tennis term, but also the people in the movie are at their “breaking point,” so to speak. And even if they win, they’re lost, because they’re, like, lost souls and stuff. Heck, I feel like I’ve already seen the movie.

Very cool poster. Abstract-ish, yet I know what it’s about.

On a side note, hey, remember when Amy Smart took her shirt off in Road Trip? I sure do. That movie had a profound effect on me. Which was mostly to make me wonder, “Why is college so much cooler in the movies?”

Somehow I got through all four years without ever making a sex tape with Amy Smart. I’m suing my guidance counselor.

Wait wait wait, one of Paul Walker’s last films was a parkour movie with the RZA? Oh I am definitely seeing this.

Luc Besson has co-writing credit on this one, one of his three writing credits this year. Keep in mind, it’s March. I’m convinced he’s become like some European version of Awesome-O. “Okay, maybe Liam Neeson is like, an air marshal or something…”

Have you seen the trailer for this yet? It looks like John Turturro wrote the old-guy version of Deuce Bigelow for himself and Woody Allen. With a dash of Hitch.

“The world’s oldest profession just got older.”

Hmm, I’m pretty sure prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. Gigoloing is the world’s oldest made-up profession.

This poster (by Phantom City Creative) is fantastic, and there’s not much else to say about it. If this movie is half as good as its marketing, it’s going to be amazing.

Did you know Angelina Jolie plays a scary witch in this? It’s true. Two things every actress loves: 1. Playing a scary witch. 2. Playing a queen. It’s not very hard, you just have to wear a cool costume and act imperious.

Between this and the new Godzilla poster, it looks like more and more poster designers are trying to emulate those Polish posters from the Communist era. Which are fantastic. I’ll take this over floating heads and diagonals any day.


It’s like someone just told him you can’t squeeze blood from a stone, and now he’s really made, because how will he make the blood sausages?

Ooh, a horror film, I wonder if it’s about demonic possession or a haunted house.

I will say this: the rom-com genre has been in the past defined by posters featuring very similar poses. But I have definitely never seen this one before, and I find it strangely compelling. They’re like a human pretzel.

Here we have the old-school “tower of actors” style poster, which works well for The Raid 2. I assume everyone in it is mostly just meat to be cut up, tenderized, and pulverized. It’s a butcher’s block covered in dude parts! It works.

Between the strange title and provocative image, “Red On Yella, Kill A Fella” might be the most compelling poster this week (if not as pretty as Godzilla).

Though the blood splatter seems a bit low. Was that person squatting, or did he/she get shot in the crotch? Was this some kind of… poop murder?

What if Dmitri Martin and Joey Lauren Adams lived in a tree? Okay, I give up, I don’t really know what it’s about. Like Wet Hot American Summer for adults? I don’t know.

As soon as I read “take me to the river,” all I can think about is Big Mouth Billy Bass. Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true.

Remember Transcendence? The most hotly anticipated movie ever directed by a guy known heretofore only as a cinematographer? The teaser didn’t tell us much, but apparently Johnny Depp is going to live inside a computer.


Is it just me, or do half of Michael Bay’s transformers end up resembling butt holes?