This week in This Week in Posters, we begin with this first character landscape from American Assassin. It appears the Keatonnaissance may have hit its down slope and now he’s doing Taken movies. As for the poster, it does fall into the “action movie = debris flying everywhere on the poster” trope, but debris flying everywhere looks way better in front of a white backdrop with a clear source like this. Also I know there’s going to be lots of shooting because everyone has guns. I didn’t get that it was a gun sight down there at first though. I thought it might be a CD case or a coffee ring. I like the idea of the coffee ring. Michael Keaton as your old hard-workin’, blue collar assassin, just puttin’ on the hard hat and going off to kill people.
[All Posters via IMPA]
There are a few more character posters for American Assassin, but trust me when I say that Taylor Kitsch is by far the most famous of the rest of the actors featured. Also, I feel like titling anything “American ____” unironically these days is a tacit admission that you’re out of ideas. “What’s it about? An assassin? Okay, ‘American Assassin.’ Now, where are we getting lunch?”
It’s a tennis ball that’s a bomb, get it? I mean… I sort of get it. And why the folded look? The marquee lights font I get. And the yellow… I guess that’s a Little Miss Sunshine callback. Anyway, this is probably just the teaser poster, we’ll get plenty with the stars’ faces on them closer to release. By the way, I love Emma Stone, but does this seem like horrible casting to anyone else? She’s more believable as an Asian woman than as a professional athlete.
This Asian poster for The Circle isn’t great, but it is an accurate representation of the film’s lack of facial expression variety.
Wow, a lot of thoughts about this Dark Tower poster. First of all, why is he straight while the entire horizon line is off kilter? Is he leaning way back like Michael Jackson in his special shoes? Also, the way his gun, holster, crease in his pants, and other gun all dangle in parallel fashion is extremely penile. It looks like we’re about to get banged (literally!) by four dicks (metaphorically). All that being said, “I do not kill with my gun, I kill with my heart” might be my favorite tagline of the year.
Whoa, look at that hair! And those fingernails. I guess Matthew McConaughey is playing death. And playing him as some kind of flamboyant game show host. Okay, Dark Tower, you have my attention.
I’ve never seen one of these movies and I don’t have kids, so the Minions are still reasonably cute to me.
I don’t know what Minions have to do with bananas other than the color yellow, but this is pretty great all around. You have to respect anyone who can do good comedy with a minimum of lines.
Oh wow, the secret world inside my phone? Hard pass. I also like the thought process here. The problem was how to turn things that are already cartoons into cartoons? And the solution was apparently to give them arms and legs and a Dreamworks face.
Lots of blue sky in posters general means an indie dramedy full of wonder. It’s hard to go wrong with an image of Woody Harrelson as a dad. Is he our dadliest actor? He’s also wearing very dadly pants in this. Woody Harrelson in… The Dadliest Pants.
How much longer do you think Diane Keaton has to wear that f*cking hat?
This poster for How To Talk To Girls At Parties reimagines the big bang as a unicorn jizzing. It’s certainly a choice.
I loved this movie and that image comes from a pretty great scene, but I doubt it’s doing much for people who haven’t seen it. Note to indie movie marketers: be less coy.
This poster for Yorgos Lanthimos’ Killing of a Sacred Deer seems related to the big sky in the Glass Castle poster. Only this one says “Dark, sci-fi dramedy.”
I had to check to make sure the Catholic League was a real thing and not just an organization The Little Hours made up to write a negative review. I’m pretty sure it is real, but either way, it’s a strong addition. Controversy is the marketer’s best friend.
“Moss? Is she all green and fuzzy and mossy? Did you meet her at the home for the mentally challenged or the blind or the bus station?” –Barry from High Fidelity.
Everyone used to pose on the front of their cars like this in the ’50s. How come people don’t do that anymore? Anyway, this poster combines critical consensus and a tacit promise to show us the real America that I find compelling
Very bold not to include any names. This looks like a VHS cover from the 80s.
Jeez, what is it about sideways cities that always makes people want to shoot guns in front of them? Let’s not go to a sideways city, there’s far too much shooting.
True to its title, this War For the Planet of the Apes poster indeed depicts a war with apes. What the hell are the apes hanging from? Is that just what buildings look like when apes build them? Anyway, it’s a nice touch. Though I’m not sure we needed “dead” on the helmet next to the tally marks. A little redundant, no? They should’ve done a “Born to Kill Apes” as a Full Metal Jacket homage. Maybe a banana with a circle and a line through it.
Whoa, is Wonder Woman playing a Weezer concert?? I kid. Weezer probably got their logo from Wonder Woman, right? I assume so. Anyway, Weezer should do a theme song for Wonder Woman.
Chris Pine seems overdressed. If he and Wonder Woman are going to the same place he’s going to be hot.
Phew, up until I saw this poster with sparks and crud flying everywhere I was worried this film wouldn’t have enough action. Also maybe I’ve been watching too much House of Cards, but Robin Wright Penn looks ridiculous.