This Week In Movie Posters: ‘Kong’ Apes Apocalypse Now While ‘Rogue One’ Pays Homage To Oliver Stone

It’s fitting that we start this week’s This Week in Posters with Assassin’s Creed, because I think this might be this week’s worst poster. It’s the old “pyramid of characters” design, but the proportions are all off. Why stick the other characters inside Michael Fassbender’s torso again? Do they live inside the heart of the assassin? Also, they got Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, and Jeremy Irons to star in a video game movie? What is happening?

I’m just glad the jumping figures are there in the background to let me know that there will be parkour. As long as there is still parkour I know the whole world hasn’t gone crazy.

[all posters via IMPA]

Oh man, get a load of these BAD KIDS! I knew that one in front was a bad egg just from her over-applied eye make up. It’s always the raccoon girls who do the bad stuff. She probably, like, skips class because she’s so over it. I bet she’s so over everything. So bad.

By the way, I can’t stop looking at the prematurely balding kid on the right and his forehead creases. Those are the “cool rebel” forehead creases, Luke Perry-style. That is too much forehead for one kid! I don’t care how bad he is. He looks like a baby in a newscaster wig.

“What if today was the only day of the rest of your life?”

Hmm, is the answer “You’d dress warmly?”

Aw, look, it’s baby Drive. By the way, I refuse to believe that “Bel Powley” is a person’s name, sorry.