Trailer for the ‘Carrie’ remake: Chloe Moretz is a weird loner, okay, sure

Senior Editor
04.08.13 49 Comments
“HAHA, hey, everyone, get a load of this lame ass loser, with her pillow-soft lips and perfect bone structure!”

Carrie is a Stephen King story about the weird girl in school who gets teased and tormented mercilessly until her period unleashes the telekinetic power within, basically your typical uterine-sloughings-as-mind-bullets narrative. I sort of question the timing of remaking a bullied-kid-gets-revenge story, but then maybe revenge of the bullied is just one of those cathartic tropes that humans will always be attracted to. In any case, the 2013 remake of the 1976 film based on the 1974 novel, directed by Kimberly Pierce (Stop Loss, Boys Don’t Cry), is one of those hilarious examples of Hollywood Ugly, with Chloe Moretz playing Carrie and Julianne Moore as her weird mom. Ew, oh my God, they’ve got… braids, and they’re wearing… shawls! Haha, gross! Aren’t they just hideous??

Now’s probably the point when I have to admit that I’ve never seen the original (you may now commence shouting incredulously). But… doesn’t this basically give away the entire movie? What surprises are left in store for the actual film? Does Carrie channel all that childhood hate into comedy, and go on to tour the country popping watermelons like a telekinetic, hammer-free Gallagher? That would be cool. People love a happy ending.

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