Michael Bay’s Ferrari Is Going To Be Squeaky Clean After This Week

Count me among the many that initially thought Michael Bay was full of explosive diarrhea when he boasted that Mark Wahlberg would star in Transformers 4: Rise of the New Toy Sales, but I’ll give credit where credit is due. Bay is a classic salesman who could make a polar bear buy ice cubes, or in this case, make a millionaire accept millions of dollars. Ass slaps and towel snaps aside, Bay has a brand new cast to finish filling out, and it’s time to fill the bucket and scrub under the wheel wells.

The plot of Transformers 4, aside from being about rich corporations that want your children to demand toys, will focus on Wahlberg and his daughter, as well as her racecar driver boyfriend. For the sake of Bay’s credibility and consistency, let’s just assume that Wahlberg plays a Special Ops soldier who moonlights as a monster truck driver.

So which lovely young ladies are going to get the call to lay a little Turtle Wax on Bay’s Italia Spider?

Testing for the daughter and boyfriend roles is set for this week. Among those vying for the female role are Isabelle Cornish, sister of Australian actress Abbie Cornish (Limitless); Nicola Peltz, who appeared in M. Night Shyamalan’s Paramount movie The Last Airbender and has a part in A&E’s Bates Motel; Margaret Quallay, the daughter of actress Andie MacDowell; and Gabriella Wilde, who is in the new Carrie movie. (Via The Hollywood Reporter)

And a bunch of dudes you’ve never heard of will audition for the role of the vroom-vroom lover. I like that THR refers to these tests as “chemistry reads” because it just sounds so sexy and fancy at the same time. But I like even more that Bay is taking a new approach to casting this next chapter of his toy-sales-above-all-else blockbuster franchise by casting no-name actors instead of ungrateful, spoiled brats who want to pretend like they’d trade the millions that they made from this franchise for a Hollywood antique like credibility.

But enough about Shia LeBeouf’s penis. Let’s meet Wahlberg’s potential daughters and then you guys guess which actress will get this role…

Gee, this is tough.