Senior Editor
06.25.09 42 Comments

Lots of people review Transformers, but few of them filter every aspect of the film through an all-encompassing fundamentalist worldview, and that’s where Focus on the Family comes in.  Set phasers to “tisking sound.”

The first time the Transformers motored into theaters, we were dismayed by the film’s sexual content. This time around, we’re appalled.

Let’s start with Alice, an apparently beautiful college student with an eye on Sam. Alice tries every way possible to seduce the lad. She dresses in the sultriest of outfits and makes sure Sam gets the best possible look at her attributes. She coos and pouts and makes suggestive comments.

When that doesn’t work, she straddles him on his bed—obviously intent upon having sex—starts kissing him and “reveals” more of herself, so to speak. But Alice’s big reveal isn’t what Sam has been led to believe. A metallic appendage snakes out of the bottom of her dress (we see Alice’s underwear) and later out of her mouth (her tongue is still attached to the end). She’s a Decepticon with rather freakish sexual intentions, it seems.

Indeed, the Decepticons as a whole have grown more sexualized since the last movie. One huge robot displays two dangling orbs that are meant to resemble testicles. Another, smaller critter wraps itself around Mikaela’s leg quite suggestively.

Characters also make crass references involving testicles, pubic hair and other intimate body parts. A guy crudely propositions a college girl by comparing his anatomy to the meat pizza he’s carrying. Two pairs of people end up unconscious in compromising positions (including two guys in one instance). A professor flirts suggestively. Leo, Sam’s roommate, asks if he can watch Sam and Alice have sex. Some people walk by a store with a neon “Porn” sign in the window. And we see a character’s nearly bare backside while he’s wearing a thong. Sam and Mikaela kiss and cuddle.

A good drinking game is to have someone read fundie movie reviews aloud and every time he says “suggestive” you have to chug your beer.  Sadly, the review never addresses the minstrelbots, but if it did I imagine it’d go something like this: “Using the two robots obssessed with street culture as comic relief is fine and dandy indeed, but we can’t help but think the filmmakers missed out on a rather golden opportunity to remind kids that negroes can be dangerous.”

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