PICTURE: The Telepathic Vampire Fetus is All Growns Up

At long last, Summit Entertainment (via EntertainmentWeekly) has released our first glimpse at the telepathic vampire former fetus from The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 2. Mackenzie Foy plays Renesmee, the hybrid fetus whose amniotic shake brings all the wolves to the yard. As for the Cullens’ “look,” I believe that’s called “edgy Mormon.” Meanwhile, “Renesmee” sounds like someone from Oklahoma wanted to start a lingerie company and tried to give it a French-sounding name.

In the previous film, Renesmee was conceived on Edward and Bella’s honeymoon and born shortly after. Since she’s a hybrid, she grew at a rapid rate. She also developed cognitive abilities beyond her human peers. And did we forget to mention that she’s been imprinted on by Jacob Black?

If vampires are immortal and never age, wouldn’t a baby that’s half vampire age at half the rate of a normal human, not twice? “Excuse me, Mrs. Cullen? Your 25-year-old daughter just crapped on our lawn again.” “I’m so sorry about that. She’s a very powerful vampire.”

In many ways, Renesmee’s birth is considered a miracle. But not everyone is happy about it. Because of her half-breed status, she’s also seen as a serious threat. Is she really that dangerous, or is everyone overreacting? [Blastr]


Anyway, I hope there’s a scene on Renesmee’s birthday, where Bella starts getting all misty and nostalgic. “Oh, Renesmee. You were such a gift from God. I’ll never forget the day your sparkling white father f*cked you into my womb on our honeymoon, before he smashed the bed and destroyed the whole room in an abstinence-induced feat of strength. And then, when you broke my spine and clawed your way out of my uterus and had a fling with that werewolf boy? I just knew you were something special.”

How many cats out there do you think are named Renesmee? A lot, I bet.