If you’re anything like me, you look at some of the movies getting greenlit lately and the trailers that run before the films you actually want to see, and you think to yourself, “Good Lord. Anyone with half a brain could do better than this. Or at least, like, not worse.”
Well, I am anyone and I have half(ish) of a brain, so I decided to give it a shot. Here are pitches for eight dumb movies. These are freebies. I am giving them away. You, Mr. or Mrs. Hollywood Producer, can have any or all of them. The only condition is that I get to show up on set every day, and I get a megaphone. And a million dollars. So they’re not so much free as … not free.
We can hammer out the details later.
Photo credit: Shutterstock
Title: Clone Heist
Ideal Star(s): Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence
Summary: Max Barcelona is a master jewel thief with a problem: he can’t find good help. He pulled off a big heist a few years ago, but since then all the members of his legendary five-man crew have been either killed or incarcerated, and Max has frittered away all his money on fast cars, fast women, and games of chance. Now he’s deep in debt to some very bad people who have given him an ultimatum: come up with $2 million by the end of the month, or it’s curtains for his beloved grandmother.