Weekend Box Office: ‘Mortdecai’ Bombed Hard, Earning Less Than A Third Of J.Lo’s Teen Sex Movie

To the surprise of probably no one who saw the previews, reviews, or posters, Mortdecai tanked spectacularly this weekend. The film cost $60 million to make (almost as inexplicable as its R rating) and grossed $4.13 million, a number even more disappointing than its 12% RottenTomatoes rating. How bad are Mortdecai’s numbers? That movie where Jennifer Lopez bangs a high schooler (The Boy Next Door) more than tripled it, grossing $15 million on a $4 million budget. “I love your mom’s cookies!” as they say.

[The Boy Next Door] played 71% female, 60% over-25 years old, and 51% over 30 years old. It also played 45% Hispanic, 33% Caucasian, 10% African American, 5% Asian, 7% “others.” [Forbes]

Mortdecai looked like all the worst parts of Johnny Depp’s characters combined into one, turd-filled tube sock. Depp is one of the more likable guys around, and I’ve never felt this goaded into wanting to punch his dumb face into the sun. But to be fair to Depp, the last time he didn’t play a walking reaction shot was in Transcendence, and people crapped all over him for that (I’m still one of six people in the world who thought it wasn’t that bad). I still have faith that there’s some good acting left in Johnny Depp and that Bruckheimer didn’t ruin him, hopefully this will lead to better choices.

What was that other story this week? Oh right, American Sniper made $64 million. In its second weekend. It has now grossed more than $200 million domestically, outpacing even its closest, R-rated analog, Passion of the Christ. We have officially reached “holy shit” territory.

That’s also the biggest non-debut-weekend in history for an R-rated film, easily besting the $53m second Friday of The Passion of the Christ as well the over/under $30m second weekends of  HannibalThe Matrix Reloaded, The Hangover, The Hangover part II, and 300. […]

It is the eighth-biggest second weekend of all-time and American Sniper now has the first and third best January weekends in history, with Avatar’s $68m third weekend in the middle. In terms of all-time “non-opening weekends,” is the ninth-biggest weekend, counting the aforementioned $68m Avatar third weekend. In terms of pure second-weekend records, it is eighth between Alice in Wonderland ($62m) and Spider-Man ($71m).

Among the top 100 opening weekends, from The Avengers ($207m) to Madagascar 2 ($63m), only thirteen films have ever dropped less than 40%, let alone 30% or over/under 25%. The 30% and under films are Avatar (-1.8% of a $77m debut), Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace (-20% off a $64m debut), The LEGO Movie (-28% off a $69m debut), American Sniper (-28% off an $89m debut), The Incredibles (-28% off a $70m debut), and Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (-30% off a $72m debut). [Forbes]

I guess endless news stories about Michael Moore’s extemporaneous sniper opinions and talking heads acting like Seth Rogen jacked off on an American flag haven’t hurt.

Elsewhere, the George Lucas-produced animated film Strange Magic opened, earning just $5.5 million in a debut so bad it’d probably be the talk of the town if it Johnny Depp’s mustache hadn’t been there to suck even harder. No budget figures were reported for that one, but animation is expensive, isn’t it? Still, the man made Star Wars so he gets to do whatever he wants. Most people would use their passion project to indulge some artistic or esoteric interest. George Lucas gets a passion project and uses it to make a cartoon about toys spouting catch phrases and singing popular songs. He is a strange, strange man. I’m convinced he sleeps in a giant racecar bed and spends his days asking his handlers if he can pet the kitty.