That’s right, it’s my birthday. Which means I wrote this post yesterday, when I wasn’t hungover and covered in filth and shame. And yes, my birthday is more important than the Oscars.
Movie titles if they were honest. [CollegeHumor]
17 Oscar Categories We’d Like to See. Wait, Anne Hathaway got naked in Rachel Getting Married? Don’t toy with me. [ScreenJunkies]
Seriously? Glenn Danzig’s going to be on Rock of Love? I’m only on board with this if at some point he commands a contestant to “MASTABATE ME/AND THEN SLURP IT FROM YA PAAALM…” [AfroJacks]
The Oscar Speech Generator is pretty sweet. You can read what I got after the jump. [Atom]
DO NOT WANT. Fruitcake says Dragonball 2 has already been written. [Scifinow]
Chuck Norris tells Haley Joel Osment he has AIDS. This clip is both old and well-known, but I never get tired of it. [Videogum]
And speaking of AIDS, check out this AIDS-related poster auction. I’m only bidding to help Haley Joel. [CHUD]
20 Movies You Didn’t Know Won Oscars. [BestWeekEver]
*I realize a chimp technically isn’t a monkey. Monkey still sounds better. Now stop emailing me.
“Thank you so much. But really, it’s just an honor to be nominated alongside so many other Mexicans. I want to thank my agent, who stuck with me after I was found queefing that cheetah. I’d like to also thank my Ox-like family, and porno sphincter. I better stop now before I say something Chinese. Thank you, and Yahtzee!!”
I swear that was my first one.