Weekend Movie Guide: Transformers And Dinobots And Giant Paychecks, Oh My!

Opening Everywhere: Transformers: Age of Extinction

Opening Somewhere: Snowpiercer, Begin Again, They Came Together

FilmDrunk Suggests: Transformers: Age of Extinction is expected to make $100 million this weekend, because your parents should have already taught you that life isn’t fair. Meanwhile, the limited releases actually look decent enough, and I’d just like to see Snowpiercer in a theater already.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 19% critics, 73% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

Transformers: Age of Extinction is nearly three %$^&%!!# hours, and they’re brain-freezing. – David Edelstein, Vulture

The Transformers are brilliant, brave, world-conquering space travelers. Time to morph into something entertaining. – Scott Bowles, USA Today

Armchair Analysis: Michael Bay’s toy franchise is like Happy Madison at this point. People are going to see, some will love it, and others will complain that it’s horrible and a good actor like Stanley Tucci should be ashamed of sacrificing integrity for a paycheck, but how can anyone blame him? Get that money, Tooch.


Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 92% critics, 74% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

For the longest time “Snowpiercer” rushes forward, like the bullet train itself – sleek and swift and unstoppable. And it takes us along for the ride. – Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger

Planetary destruction and human extinction happen a half-dozen times every summer. It’s rarely this refreshing, though. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Armchair Analysis: I feel like this movie is five years old already and it’s still not even being released nationwide in the US yet. This is America, damn it, we should get all movies before anyone else.

Begin Again

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 68% critics, 76% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

Just when you are ready to completely write off “Begin Again,” the music starts to play, the camera takes it all in and makes us a part of it, and the film’s unpersuasive emotions don’t seem to matter as much. – Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times

It’s a film you have to meet at least half-way. but once I did, I reveled in the charm, the romance, and most of all the bevy of terrific songs. – Alonso Duralde, The Wrap

Armchair Analysis: Where has Keira Knightley been? She gets married and it’s like she forgets about making movies that people want to see.

They Came Together

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 66% audience, 69% critics

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

Simply recreating what we know to be hackneyed and safe doesn’t suddenly make it hilarious and surprising. There has to be a spin to it; there has to be some innovation. – Christy Lemire,

A series of hit-and-miss sketch-comedy bits rather than a fully realized movie that might have gutted contemporary rom-com clichés rather than just weakly aping them. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Armchair Analysis: Paul Rudd promoted this comedy on The Colbert Report last night and the clip made it look delightful. Unfortunately, those scores aren’t so hot. How could Rudd and Amy Poehler make a bad movie that’s directed by David Wain and written by Wain and Michael Showalter? And it has Christopher Meloni and Bill Hader? This movie has to be good.