10.20.09 9 years ago 38 Comments

One interesting phenomena of the movie business is that if you can get a star attached to a project, a studio will pay you, no matter how dumb or half-assed the pitch is, even if the entirety of your idea is a stick figure drawn on a napkin in lipstick under the words “time machine.”  Last week there was a six to seven-figure deal for Ryan Reynolds in drag.  Today, the star is Disney jailbait Selena Gomez.  The pitch?  An old sketch from Chappelle’s Show.  I’m not even exaggerating.

[The project]:
“New Line’s decided to find out “What Boys Want,” snapping up the comedy pitch by Amy Andelson and Emily Meyer and attaching teen star Selena Gomez to topline.  Story centers on a teenage girl who can hear what men are thinking.” [Variety]

[Dave Chappelle’s intro to a sketch called “What Men Want”]:
“You ever see that movie, What Women Want, with Mel Gibson?  Where he could read women’s minds?  See that’s the kinda movie you could only do with a guy, like Mel Gibson.  You couldn’t do the opposite of that movie, What Men Want, because it’d be too gross, and disgusting.”

Now what the hell am I supposed to write?  Dave Chappelle already wrote the joke for this post five years ago.  The best part is, a stoned comedian took the idea a step further in a one-minute sketch than two writers did in a pitch they probably got paid a few hundred grand for.  The upside to making utterly forgettable movies is that you can just make them again a few years later and no one notices.

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