Senior Editor
09.25.09 59 Comments

Opening this weekend:

I’d see this, but I’m afraid it might cause me to flame.  Also, it looks lame.   Also, a kid does this in the trailer.  No gracias, fruity.

I’d like to see this, because Dennis Quaid has been making some solid career decisions of late and I’m sure this is no different.   But as many of you know, I suffer from a severe Cam Gigandet allergy.

You’ll never believe this, but Bruce Willis plays a cop… who bucks the system!  Don’t do it, Bruce, it could cost you your badge!

Capitalism: A Love Story
I’ll be honest, I don’t really get why people hate Michael Moore so much.  I mean, yeah, he’s fat, which is a perfectly acceptable reason, but as far as famous liberals go, that smug twat Rachel Maddow annoys me way more.  It’s like she expects a ticker-tape parade every time she makes a cute little joke that’s only funny if you went to Wesleyan.

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Awww helll yeaah, dawg, it’s the Tucker Max movie release!  You knew this day would come!  Midgets and strippers and beer pong oh my!  This could be our last chance to live it up before law school!  Hey, I know they serve beers in hell, but you know what they don’t serve?  Queers.  Someone give me a fist bump.

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