Hot dog, are there a lot of new movies this week! Besides Marky Mark, there’s Halle Berry, Michael Shannon, a Slytherin, some British Jews, several abortions, two movies about abortion, the latest from the prolific folks at The Asylum, and a Norse god waiting for mass transit.
The Wicker Tree
Reuniting The Rubins
Some Days Are Better Than Others
One Kine Day
The Scarlet Worm
Nazis At The Center Of The Earth
Of Dolls And Murder
The Theatre Bizarre
Planet Of Vampire Women
Thor At The Bus Stop
There’s a lot of ground to cover this week, so get reading on the next page. Click here to jump to the streaming suggestions.
This Mark Wahlberg flick opened in January, a month notoriously known as Hollywood’s dumping ground for crap that the studios know will suck. With that in mind, this one’s yet another generic action flick where Wahlberg is coaxed back out of retirement and against his better judgment for one last job. Things don’t go according to plan and blah blah blah. You want to know a secret? I’ve just described Wahlberg’s 2007 film, Shooter. Oh well, same basic generic plot, same bland actor, same difference.
This movie opened in theatres less than a month ago. You may have missed it; there was barely any promotion. Honestly, that choice surprises me. Who wouldn’t want to watch a 45-year-old actress-in-a-bikini thriller from the director of Blue Crush? How could they not sell this? Plus, she’s an Oscar winner. They don’t just give those to anybody. In all seriousness, with as much obviously putrid crap that they do advertise to death, what kind of clusterf*ck must this movie be to get released with next to no promotion?
Yes, the trailer and description (a haunted hotel) look perfectly generic. Yes, it has no real stars to speak of. Why then, do I want to see this? Is it because it is from Ti West, director and writer of the critically acclaimed The House Of The Devil? Is it because this film itself has a decent Rotten Tomatoes score of 77%? While those points help, they aren’t the real reason. The real reason is that this is Ti West’s IMDb profile photo.
At this point, I’m voting for him for president.
Speaking of Rotten Tomatoes, this film rates at 96%. The critics loved this movie, and why wouldn’t they? It’s about a black Brooklyn teen embracing her lesbianism. As this is a serious drama and not a porno, what could they criticize? Anything they would say would just make them look bad. Even Armond White joined the rank and file in singing its praises. As for me, I’m sure it truly is a well made and thought provoking film that would move any viewer. I’ll probably never see it though, because it looks boring as hell.