Every weekend we’re given a choice at the movies. Do we see the latest action flick? The romantic comedy our date insists we’ll enjoy? Perhaps we’re interested in the art-house offering? Odds are, we’ll see at most one of those movies, and probably regret the choice we made. Lucky for us, there’s home video. Every Tuesday a whole crop of flicks hit DVD, Blu-ray, and streaming. Most are the exact same pieces of crap you skipped seeing three months earlier, but some are the gems you missed. Others never even made it to your local multiplex, and still others never played at any theaters at all. Here’s a breakdown of what’s opening wide on your couch this Tuesday.
Today’s new DVD releases include:
The Rum Diary
Elite Squad: The Enemy Within
Paranormal Activity 3
The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)
Nude Nuns With Big Guns
All Things Fall Apart
Swinging With The Finkels
And that’s just the DVDs! Continue reading on the next page to find out more about those. For a breakdown of some timeless classics newly added to instant streaming on Netflix, click here.
The Rum Diary
Vince gave this Hunter S. Thompson adaptation an A- in his review, and yet none of us bothered to see the movie, contributing to its box office failure. Perhaps if his review had included the phrase, “Amber Heard’s extensive nude scenes,” we would’ve shown more interest. It’s probably a good movie either way.
Also known as Elite Squad 2, Vince ended his review of this Brazilian flick with the sentence, “It melted my face off and kicked my balls in.” Simply put, most of us haven’t gotten the chance to see it until now, and I for one am a little tired of my fully attached face and pendulous testicles. For those who need the full context of Brazilian bad-assery, 2007’s original Elite Squad is also available.
In the trailer, it shows that the female lead has been tormented by the supernatural since childhood. If that’s the case, shouldn’t the first movie have just been her boyfriend asking who spookily opened the bedroom door and her replying, “Oh, it’s just Pazuzu. He can be a real dick.”
The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) The hype behind the first Human Centipede was pretty insane; it was supposed to be the latest in what-the-f*ck-am-I-watching cinema. Then the film came out, and everyone felt pretty ambivalent. Writer/Director Tom Six upped the ante by making the centipede nine people longer. He also made it in black-and-white, causing the film to be a flop. Jesus Christ, Six, I do want to see a fat dude masturbate with sand paper, but I want to see it in color.
If Michael Shannon wants America to start seeing him as a leading man, he has to stop playing psychos -unless they make a movie about David Letterman in the early ‘80s, then Shannon’s all set. This movie got overlooked by the Oscar nominations. I suggest you take that as a sign of quality and check it out.
25-year-old filmmaker Lena Dunham jumped to the head of the home video pack when Criterion selected her flick for inclusion in their prestigious collection. I don’t know if it’s worthy or not, but she interviewed Vince once, so I thought I should mention it.
While researching this film, I mis-read the character name “Father Carlittos” as “Father Clitoris”. This movie is already letting me down. Anyhow, if you have an interest in nudity, Catholicism, and firearms, I wouldn’t wait for a more apt film to grace your TV set.
I’m including this simply for the box cover image. It’s from 1972, but it’s just now coming out on DVD. Sure it’s a G-rated dog movie, but it’s a 1970s G-rated dog movie. If nothing else, it’s probably chock-full of shocking racial and sexual stereotypes, and without any of that smug Benji star-f*cking we’ve come to associate with ‘70s dog movies. Also, you can save a few bucks by printing out your own box cover and watching the full movie on YouTube below.
I know what you’re thinking, and no, this is not a new special edition of John Huston’s academy award nominated James Joyce adaptation. Instead we’ve got a zombie flick set in Africa. I’m guessing the zombies are a metaphor for social and/or civil unrest. Or genocide. Or famine. Or disease. You know, I don’t think a horror movie set in Africa needs any zombie metaphors.
Remember when Vince posted this picture? You might not because it was almost two years ago. Anyhow, the movie Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson wrote, produced, and lost 60 pounds to star in finally gets released on DVD today. It also opens its limited theatrical run today, after premiering on TV last December. At least they committed to the realism of their title.
A wife-swapping comedy starring Mandy Moore and the new Bilbo Baggins. While watching the trailer, I was all set to write a bad Bilbo/dildo pun but I lost the urge when I got to the part where Moore’s dildo pops out of her and hits Jerry Stiller in the crotch. It’s a nut-shot in the trailer, yes, but it’s a dildo-flying-out-of-a-vagina-nut-shot. That counts for something. Also, the popping-cork sound effect must be heard to be believed.
I don’t know what this movie is about. I do know that when I saw the poster I squealed when I saw Danny Trejo’s name. I shrieked when I saw Mark Borchardt’s. If you don’t know who that is, check out American Movie as well. Those two in a film ‘presented’ by Sasha Grey, the only thing this film lacks is the sure hand of Bruce Greenwood to receive the full FilmDrunk endorsement.
Besides being on disc, you can watch Elite Squad: The Enemy Within, Tiny Furniture, and Modus Operandi right now on Netflix instant. If you’re still not satisfied, here are a few other classic titles recently added to the service:
Due to legal issues, this film was unavailable for almost 30 years after its initial run. Now you can watch it through your Xbox and decide if The Artist raped Kim Novak or not.
Remember when Adam Sandler made good goofy comedies? Who could’ve guessed that a movie about a grown man going back through school would’ve been made with an artistic integrity that could later be sold out.
Banned off and on around the world since its 1971 release, see the controversial film now before they remake it as a steam-punk dance movie starring Taylor Lautner.
The actress who plays Blubberella co-wrote this with director Uwe Boll. She’s got no one to blame but herself. With all the other choices Netflix offers from a century’s worth of cinema, is this really how you want to spend 87 minutes? Vince thinks so; he encouraged me to include it.