‘CIA Spy’ Claims Video Games Are Being Used Against Iran

Senior Contributor

We guess Iranian intelligence finally figured out that nobody cares what they think about “Battlefield 3,” but their hatred of games they don’t like is ongoing.

How ongoing? Some poor shmuck who may or may not be a “CIA spy” has said that there was, like, totally a games studio designed to keep Iran down.

Amir Merza-Hekmati may well have something to do with US intelligence, but his “confession” reads like a string of conspiracy theories: the US wants to bankrupt OPEC, Iraq was invaded to keep people from aspiring to the brilliant national model of Iran (you know, huge unemployment and an angry populace), and so on. He then accuses the CIA of trying to manipulate opinion in the Middle East with a bunch of shooters. The studio named is Kuma Games, who…uh…make online video games for the History Channel.

Iran’s butthurt seems to be over a few games they made that let you shoot various terrorist leaders in the face. The ironic thing is that Kuma has done government contract work, and might even have gotten money from the CIA. It wouldn’t be the first time the CIA has been accused of manipulating the media. It just seems unlikely that they commissioned a video game for the express purpose of “manipulating public opinion in Iran,” and more like “Kuma War” was made for the purpose of “knocking off ‘Modern Warfare,'” considering Kuma’s main site is probably blocked in Iran anyway.

Still, it tells you how dedicated they are to this topic that they’re making spies confess to working on crappy online shooters with Iran in them. We can’t wait for Iranian intelligence to, like, totally hack into Nintendo’s mainframe and find secret documents revealing Goombas represent Iran and Mario is United States military supremacy. Or maybe that all the Pokemon are Muslims and Ash represents the oppressive control of Israel.

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