As far too many supportive prom dates for decades have been forced to say: Sometimes it’s an asset to be super speedy.
That’s our crass way of leading into some Super Mario Bros. speed run news and a compelling slice of footage attached to the gamer that’s set a brand-new world record. The Mario mastering marvel known as Darbian previously set the game’s speed-run benchmark by blazing through the game with a tidy time of 4:57.427. That ridiculously zippy pace wasn’t enough for Darbian, so he kept chasing faster and faster times, which brings us to his glorious 4:57.260 run, which scores bonus drama points for going right down to the wire.
How good was Darbian’s speed-run outing? It was a big enough deal that the dude has elected to retire from Super Mario Bros. speed runs and go out like the champ that he is. Maybe he can coach us schmoes to do something other than scream obscenities at the Lakitu on World 4-1 before going into the garage to make and burn an effigy of its smug little face.
“I have reached my potential in this category — I’m done! My quest is over,” proclaims Darbian in the video description.
Hit play on the video above to relive this uniquely mesmerizing moment and keep your eye on the heart-rate stats on the left side of the screen.