Here’s This Year’s Crop Of Terrible ‘Sexy’ Halloween Costumes

Senior Contributor
10.11.13 23 Comments

Our yearly costume idea, when we see these "costumes."

Our yearly costume idea, when we see these “costumes.”

Every Halloween, we go shopping for a new costume, and every Halloween, we get to see some genuinely awful costumes actually sold as real products. And this year is no different!

Yeah, it’s not hard to guess the appeal of these costumes, but by the same token, some of these are really just beyond even the fairly low standards we hold costume manufacturers to. In fact, they’re outright lazy on the part of both designers and consumers. And worse, some of them are officially licensed. The fun of a costume is figuring out who you’ve turned into, for cryin’ out loud. Also, there are kids on my lawn.

So here’s a whole new crop of “sexy” Halloween costumes, or rather “sassy”, which is the new codeword for “skimpy” apparently. We put them next to their alleged inspirations for contrast.


You know, because a character who is actually a careful and sometimes biting satire of the insecurities of teenage girls needed to be summed up with a “sassy” costume. The best part is that this is officially licensed.

(Images courtesy of Spirit Halloween/Nickelodeon)


I don’t know. That cable-knit sweater is plenty sexy just on its own. But the hockey jersey is a nice touch.

(Images courtesy Party City/Paramount Pictures)


This actually isn’t that bad, but somebody needs to explain to costume designers that “character” hats basically look terrible at all times. Seriously, this woman looks like she just squeezed the top of her head up Pikachu’s butt, and Pikachu seems a little too happy about it.

(Images courtesy of Spirit Halloween/Nintendo)


This also is not that bad; at least you can recognize that it’s Boba Fett and it’s actually trying to look like Boba Fett. That said, though, the Lucasfilm licensing department decided to go full-on with the dork hats this year. Seriously, add a pom-pom and it’s Winterized Boba Fett.

(Images courtesy Spirit Halloween/Disney)

sassy ron burgundy

A quick preview of your night, for anybody who wears this: “Well, that escalated quickly.” “What?” “My junk.” Remember, ladies, a knee to the crotch to a jerk is not only justified, it’s really, really funny.

(Images courtesy of Spirit Halloween/Paramount Pictures)


This actually lines up with the character, but it’s possibly worse because this is easily the flimsiest of pop cultural pretexts for running around in a skimpy outfit. Sure, right, you’re wearing this because you’re a huge fan of Jonah Hex. Sure you are. There’s even multiple versions of this costume. Come on, if you want to run around in a skimpy outfit, just say it.

(Images courtesy Party City/Warner Home Entertainment)

sassy robin

You know, there does come a point when a pretext is so thin that it wears out. When it comes to sexy costumes, I think we just found it.

(Images courtesy of Spirit Halloween/Fox Television)

sassy terminator

If your costume has to have both the T-800 emblazoned on your collarbone and “Terminator” written down the side of your arm and on your waist so people know who the wearer is supposed to be, you might want to reconsider a career in costume design.

(Images courtesy of Spirit Halloween/Lionsgate Home Entertainment)


Actually, this one is probably not new this year, but I just want to point out that this “costume” is so lazy, it doesn’t even come with the mask. It’s a Michael Myers costume without the one distinguishing feature of Michael Myers. They don’t even call it “Michael Myers”; they call it, and I’m not kidding, a “Sexy Halloween Costume”. No, they didn’t throw any quotes around Halloween. They just slapped the mask on the back and called it a day. Apply some blue paint and you have Sassy Air Conditioning Repairlady for next year!

(Images courtesy of Party City/Anchor Bay Home Entertainment)

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