Entertainment Editor
12.01.09 4 Comments

    Different haircut on the DVD cover than in the movie?  Quality.

From the writer of Mansquito and the director of the Stir of Echoes sequel nobody asked for comes Hardwired, out on DVD wherever irregular T-shirts are sold.  The actual tagline of the film is, “They stole his past, now he’s taking back his future.”  Really?  How about “They robbed history, now he’s rewriting his present in future tense.”  Wait, no, that’s already the tagline to one of the National Treasure movies.

The premise is that Cuba Gooding is “in a world run by corporations” just like every sci-fi movie from the 90’s.  He gets into a suspicious car crash that kills his wife (of course it does) — who is also pregnant (of course she is) — and leaves him with amnesia (of course it does). The ubiquitous Hexx corporation had already suspiciously cancelled his insurance, but they’ll save his life if they can put a suspiciously-experimental chip in his head that makes him see advertisements for Hexx products.  Nevermind that neural implants tend to degrade in a matter of weeks, so they’d be spending millions per year on maintenence for a small handful of implanted citizens that could be reached by just putting a billboard along their commute to work.  This premise makes total sense.  Val Kilmer has a silly haircut; my argument is invalid.

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