The Five Greatest Radio Ads From Grand Theft Auto

Rockstar Games has, very quietly but very steadily, been preserving a crucial part of the Grand Theft Auto experience and uploading it to the web: The radio ads that you’ll hear and sometimes tune out.

Sometimes gross, sometimes stingingly accurate, always funny… here are five of our favorites. Fair warning: A few of these are NOT work-safe!

The Maibatsu Monstrosity

https://media.rockstargames.com/products/rockstar/media%20player/RockstarMediaPlayer.swf?skin=advertisingcouncil/EN/audio&vidID=1361&legacy=no

It’s worth remembering that in some cases, Rockstar patterned these on actual radio ads, and actually brought in advertisers to develop these spots, right down to using the same psychological studies. So if this sounds like a brutally hostile but painfully accurate cartoon of the worst kind of SUV owners, there’s a reason.

Castrodon

https://media.rockstargames.com/products/rockstar/media%20player/RockstarMediaPlayer.swf?skin=advertisingcouncil/EN/audio&vidID=2051&legacy=no

What’s really disturbing is that they’re actually not exaggerating what Propecia can do to you all that much.

A PSA From Jock Cranley

https://media.rockstargames.com/products/rockstar/media%20player/RockstarMediaPlayer.swf?skin=advertisingcouncil/EN/audio&vidID=1801&legacy=no

You probably don’t want to listen to this one at work. That said, pretty much everything about this spot is a little too accurate for the comfort of some.

“Keep Your Family Together. Keep Off The Internet.”

https://media.rockstargames.com/products/rockstar/media%20player/RockstarMediaPlayer.swf?skin=advertisingcouncil/EN/audio&vidID=1451&legacy=no

There’s no way we’re typing out that acronym, but the sad thing is, readers in their thirties probably remember hearing actual radio spots pretty much precisely like this in some markets.

Eris Running Shoes

https://media.rockstargames.com/products/rockstar/media%20player/RockstarMediaPlayer.swf?skin=advertisingcouncil/EN/audio&vidID=991&legacy=no

We just want to know whose kid this is, because it’s pretty clear Rockstar just sent somebody home with a tape recorder and had one of their kids do it.

You can find a huge number of spots over Rockstar’s Advertising Council

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