There’s Nothing About This Edible Mist Machine That Isn’t Infuriating

05.28.14 4 years ago 7 Comments

Lick Me I’m Delicious, a UK-based company aiming to piss me off just on name alone, is a food-based invention company that wants to provide Edible Misters at your next house party. The giant Van de Graaff generator-looking contraption opens up, has funky lights in case you don’t already know how cool it is, and provides a “flavored mist” that you can inhale. Oh man, the coolness here is off the chain.

“But Brenda, for house parties, I just buy a pony keg of Labatt and put out three, maybe four types of chips,” you’re saying. Well, hold on to your Doritos, kids. If what you really want is to smell bacon all night but not eat any bacon because that would be ludicrous, the Edible Mist Machine is totally for you:

The machines produce from a choice of over 200 flavours, from mango to chocolate, apple pie to smoked bacon.

“The range of flavors is massive and we can also produce you a personalized mist from pretty much anything in the world, like your favorite book or even your hair,” [Company founder Charlie Harry] said. “AND it’s zero calories.”

White people. When they’ve bored themselves with all the food there is to eat, they start playing with it.

Edible Mist Machine

Via Charlie Harry

Nice top hat, bro.

So far [Charlie Harry has] invented the Popcorn Hairdryer, Nitro Ice Cream Buggy, Soup Washing Machine, Gramophone Ice Cream Pottery Wheel, Edible Mist Machine, Instant Lollipop Maker, Whirligig Candyfloss Whirlwind, Levitron Cocktail levitating Device, Glow in the Dark Ice Cream and the Olfactic Dog Nose.

Soup washing machine, yessir. There are children dying of like sixty different kinds of weird cancers but fuck, let’s style our hair and make kettle corn at the same time instead. And I’m not even to the part that pisses me off yet. These things are huge and are only available for rental in the UK, because shipping a ginormous pretzel flavored hookah to Burning Man would be cost prohibitive. Instead, you can buy one for yourself for $8,400 plus shipping.

Wait, I have to type that out again. You can spent over eight grand for what’s essentially a vaporizer / hookah (which cost like, $100. I’ve been told. It’s for tobacco.) The Edible Mist Machine uses “ultrasonic vaporization” to produce its flavored inhalants, though, and for $8,400, I assume you can really taste the sound waves.

An old friend of mine has quit smoking and is all about his e-cigarette thing. If you wonder who could be friends with the dude who pulls out his evape and starts puffing away in the middle of the bar while everyone else is shivering their ass off out on the patio, it’s me. I am friends with that guy. I am giving him the finger from the patio. Anyway, he swears up and down the best “flavor” for “smoking” is “apricot.” Keep in mind I say this with love but this particular friend is an idiot most of the time and owes me money.

But the Edible Mist Machine is for parties. Because I certainly haven’t been to a party or three in the past two months where some dude I do not know has passed me his e-cig and demanded I try it. That would be uncivilized. So tighten down your top hat and try the glow orb with the straw and the fruit fog, motherflippers.

via Huffington Post

There are days I wanna punch the Huffington Post in the taint and this is one of them.

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