Cartman’s Diverse Resume On ‘South Park’ Will Make You Respect His ‘Authoritah!’

Features Writer

Comedy Central

As the lovably mean-spirited star of Comedy Central’s South Park, Eric Cartman has become known for his often immoral and deplorable schemes that often have only his self-interest in mind. Despite being both short-tempered and foul-mouthed, though, Cartman has managed to put together a rather impressive job history for a kid with behavioral issues. Cartman then uses these positions of power and “authoritah” to carry out his actions, even manipulating quite a few others along the way.

To celebrate the sinister self-starter in all of us and Cartman’s various employment highlights, here’s a look at some of the more interesting highlights from his resume so far.

Athletic Administrator – “Crack Baby Athletic Association”


Comedy Central

When Kyle learns that Cartman has been volunteering at a nearby hospital working with infants who were born addicted to crack, he’s immediately suspicious of his true motives. Before long, Kyle finds out that Cartman had been making these children fight one another, similar to the Bum Fights phenomenon of the time. Ever the smooth-talker, Cartman manages to bring Kyle on board as his bookkeeper after giving him a pitch justifying what they do.

While Kyle eventually develops some real guilt over the ordeal, Cartman doubles down, turning to the college athletics circuit for some pointers on how to better exploit the infants for his own gain. In a twist of irony, just as Cartman and the others expect to cash in big on the video game rights, it turns out corporate America does the same thing to them.

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