Larry David Quotes For When You Really Need To Sweat The Small Stuff

Listen, the bestsellers are a lie: Trying not to sweat the small stuff is fine, but sometimes you just need to recognize that even the smallest, most minute little bothers are excruciating and awful. And even though the more enlightened among us (ugh, those people, am I right?) say you need to let go and let someone — maybe close your eyes and take a few deep breaths? — have a slice of your cranky-assed and shouty rage. Because, there are times when letting go just isn’t an option. It just isn’t. Deal with it.

No one knows this more than Larry David who, if you took a poll, would probably end up number one on a list of people who sweat the small stuff, don’t let things go, and plan petty revenge in their spare time. Or, at least, that’s what his alter-ego, George Costanza, did on Seinfeld and what David did in his “comedically exaggerated” self-portrayal in Curb Your Enthusiasm (which is available to stream on HBO Now). And you know what? That’s fine. Sometimes you just need to accept that the world is a place full of people who are out to inconvenience you in ways you never thought possible. And if you’re going to let the things get to you, do it like David: hilariously, unapologetically, and without fear. So, with all that said, here are just a few moments that demonstrate that there are times when kicking and screaming may be just what you need to do. Especially when Michael J. Fox, that lovable bastard, is totally out to get you.

Larry: He insulted me. He implied that I was lying about my stepfather!

Jeff Greene: You don’t have a stepfather.

Larry: I know, but I didn’t like the implication!

There’s an unspoken rule when someone’s telling a small lie, and that’s that you don’t call them on it. It’s because we live in a society and people can say whatever they want and, as long as it’s not hurting anyone, adults shouldn’t call each other out on their bullsh*t. When they do, though, like when Larry was called out for lying about having a stepfather, the person being called out has the absolute right to be righteously indignant. Even when they’re in the wrong. Especially when they’re wrong! That’s how life should work!

“I’m yelling for society! For everybody!”

When Larry catches a woman (Michaela Watkins) not curbing her dog because she doesn’t have a bag, he decides it’s time to take a stand. Not just for himself, of course, but for every person who’s had to step in a pile of doggie droppings because owners were just “forgetful” or “ran out.” Is it petty to yell at someone on the street? Sure. But what happens when you don’t? That’s right: total anarchy. You can’t just let these things go.

Related: How Much Is Larry David Like His Character on Curb Your Enthusiasm?

“I think you’re upset about the shushing, I think you were pissed off about the Hitler mustache I drew on your father-in-law, I think you shook up that can of soda on purpose, and I think you’re clomping now and you made up some bullsh*t excuse about your feet, all under the guise of Parkinson’s, that’s what I think!”

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