As the resident system architect on HBO’s Silicon Valley (available to stream anytime on HBO Now), Bertram Gilfoyle (Martin Starr) has all the disinterested apathy you’d come to expect from a guy who has spent his life in front of a computer writing code. As a gruff, outspoken nihilist, to say he has an ability to verbally take down anyone that crosses paths with him with a burst of knee buckling cynicism would be nothing short of an understatement.
Sure, he has been an invaluable member of the team and was essential to the success of their company, Pied Piper, but no one can cut straight through to someone’s soul like Gilfoyle can. For all those moments when you feel like you’ve gotta ruin a rival’s day, let these quotes, delivered in Gilfoyle’s scathing monotone, serve as your inspiration.
“It’s not magic, it’s talent and sweat. People like me ensure your packets get delivered unsniffed. So what do I do? I make sure that one bad config on one key component doesn’t bankrupt the entire f*cking company. That’s what the f*ck I do.”
While organizing Pied Piper’s formal business plan, both Gilfoyle and Dinesh (Kumail Nanjiani) have to explain exactly what they do in order to justify their position in the burgeoning company. While they both talk up their importance, Gilfoyle describes his ability to code with a kind of desperate urgency, making himself out to be all that’s holding back the complete destruction of society.
Clearly, Gilfoyle’s antagonistic worldview follows him everywhere — even during an informal employment evaluation. While there’s no shame in self-promotion, you may want to hold back a bit on the doomsday scenarios, at least until you’ve got the job locked down.